Change for a Dollar?

Nobody's perfect right? So it makes sense that we need to grow, and that growth means change. But we always say things like "you can't change me," or "this is how I am." So do we change? Most importantly SHOULD we change.What if I like myself? What if how I am now makes me happy? But I guess if I am truly happy I wouldn't be asking these questions. But I like being different. I like carving my own path through the world. I think my life is good specifically because I do things my way.But what if my way leaves me alone? Is it worth it? Lastly, what does it mean to change? Can I just decide one day to NOT be selfish? If being a narcicist means that I react to the world based on how it affects me, then how can I change that? As a rational person, am I not required to have my own interest at heart?

If was as simple as 'when you find it you will want to change' then the world wouldn't be so misserable. I'm not 12 anymore. It's not that simple. That's why the movies end with a kiss at sunset. That's the easy part. The best movies end badly. Then the love is real but life doesn't ruin it. Bottom line: life is good. But what makes it good is hard to figure out. That's why I like to ask questions. Not for the answers, because they don't exist. There are only questions.

I'll sign off with the end of my film: "Oh yes you will. And you'll have it better; you are young and beautiful. Love was made for the young and beautiful. What I like is that I know you will remember me fondly. But you will have better, and when you think about me you will smile. And that's good enough for me." Roll credits...

Contentment

Friday is spent with people I love...good times. The kind of times that don't happen enough when I'm in a relationship. The people who never disappoint, and love me for who I am. MY peeps. Old stories, new jokes; we laugh a lot. They have wives, I have my brother. Its all good. But the night ends alone.

Saturday is the best and worst of the single life...complete freedom and the realization that most of the 3 billion women that you tell yourself are 'out there' are boring or slutty. Being 'out,' and doing what single people do only serves to remind me that as much fun as this is, I have no interest in spending significant parts of my life in this 'scene.' It's too empty at the end of it all.

Sunday only continues the contrast as I roll off the random couch I ended up on, and into a Starbucks for a pre-church coffee. A sundress catches my eye behind me; the dress might be new, but the wearer is not. What are the odds? How do these things happen?

Sad is Good

I am a fan of experiencing human emotions. Sadness is one of those. Being depressed sucks; I avoid it and would not recommend it. But a good clean sad moment/day can be very therapeutic. It makes me feel alive in a very unique way.

Don't avoid sadness; it's a part of your humanity.Some days we laugh, some days we cry...either way, live and experience this maddening and thrilling thing called life.