Single and 30

Taken from one of my favorite writer's (Bill Simmons) in response to a question from a reader:

Q: Why can't Hollywood make a movie about a guy who doesn't get married, keeps his friends, loves life, dates hot girls up until they get crazy. But also show his old college roommate married with kids, a nagging wife, a crap job he can't quit because of the kids and mortgage. This should be made and mandatory viewing for any single male by the time he hits 18. At least he would have a fighting chance. If you have a great marriage awesome. But I would tell you that nine of 10 married guys I know are in the old college roommate state of life right now. Good luck all you engaged men. (Suckers.)-- Gabe B., Waterloo, Iowa

SG: And that wraps up this month's installment for "Fellas, Don't Get Married!" By the way, I'd like to give a special shout-out to my buddy Sully, who's already trained his two young sons to answer the questions "How old will you be before you can think about getting married?" and "Where are you going to college?" with the answers "35" and "South or West." Now that's great parenting.

Not being cynical or cold. Seriously. I am an analytical guy. I like numbers and data. Don't hate me, I just look at the numbers. I will be wearing a tux and beaming proudly a couple more times this summer, and I am really happy for those folks. This is not about you. Get married and be happy. It happens, and I hope it happens to you. If you don't know who 'SG' is then we probably are not good enough friends, but he is Bill Simmons, one of my favorite writers, and he is married with 2 kids.

Marriage is great as long as you don't have a crappy one. I have experience a great deal of personal growth the last decade. Some people have no business getting married in their 20s. I am that someone.

Note: The following was added latter in response to outside opinion:

I read the above quote yesterday and it stuck with me, and there is some truth there. In no way am I against marriage. Some people are better married. I probably will be too someday. I am just very happy to have made it to 30 still single. And in some way that quote validated me in that. Another thing about my note is I love the movies, and I love romantic movies, and I have dreams in my head about being swept away and a life that is like the movies…but movies are not real life, so part of what resonated with me was the movie stuff…I can’t live my life with movie expectations.

To my young, single friends: Be young. Enjoy it. Worry less. There will always be women. If you find someone you can’t imagine your life without, wait until you are 30 and then marry her. One day I hope you look back on your 20s with a smile. I don’t feel old, I feel 30, and I like how it feels.

I guess there was some truth in there. Maybe it makes the un-married among us feel better as well. At the core of my hesitation is statistics. A 50% divorce rate. Of those that ARE married, a great many are unhappy. There is nothing about my personality or experience with women that suggests I am a trend breaker. If anything I am flawed, selfish and would have been labeled 'high-risk' as a marriage candidate at 22. But maybe, its simply a negative by-product of progress? Life is very different now than 100 years ago. We don't work on farms all day and die ay 50. Simple life probably leads to easier marriage.

I was a fast mover and I was 25 before I finished grad school. Then I started a couple of companies. Made money, lost money. Lived on my own at 18, lived with my parents at 28. I have lived in a dozen different places the last decade. It took me to 30 to figure out what I want out of life.