The Triumphant Return of Paulie Walnuts

Mad Men Blog – Season 3, Episode 4

2009-09-07T08:00:00.000-07:00

Scarred. Pessimistic. Nervous. Tentative. Relieved. Happy.

That was my range of emotions this week as Mad Men (finally) got back on track in season 3. I’ve heard my share of ‘set the bar so low this week had to be better’ talk, but this ep started solidly and delivered in the end. Highlights:

Peggy. You all know I love Peggy. Between her moving to Manhattan, trying to act ‘hip’, and being vindicated by the Patio campaign, she was earning her big boy pants all episode. Nice to see her and Joan moving into friendly territory again. It was only natural that there would be tension as Peggy moved up professionally and Joan went domestic. The juxtaposition of those two as opposing glimpses of the feminine ‘ideal’ in 1962 is pretty cool. Peggy needs Joan; it was nice to see her acknowledge that, and for Joan to be cool about it.

Good office stuff. We finally get to see the Patio spot; Sal gets a promotion (I told you Don would take care of him); the jai alai kid, his dad and Cooper, and all that went into that was great. It was nice to be back in the office and seeing all of that play out. The setting of the show is its defining feature, so this had a nice ‘back-to-the-bread-and-butter’ feel.

Gene is dead. I was practically giddy. His screen time was the only negative of this ep, and once he was gone I was legitimately stoked about Mad Men again.

This is why I love this show. Every episode doesn't have to be epic or dramatic. Sometimes we just watch people live. Thoroughly enjoyable. It’s good to be back.

***Friday afternoon update: Just read that Tony Kornheiser's fantasy team is named Sterling Cooper Manning. These are the things that I think you should know. I love it when my worlds collide.

Mad Men Blog – Season 3, Episode 3

2009-08-31T11:11:00.000-07:00

Well my friends, this show is really testing my patience. As I said last week, I don’t like to criticize; I like to embrace a show and just follow where it goes. If I am to stick to that premise, there is only one conclusion I can make about my Mad Men friends; it’s been a boring few weeks around there.

Seriously, if last week was a filler episode, what was this week? If you saw this entire episode in the ‘deleted scenes’ portion of the DVD, how bored would you have to be to get through it all? For the first time since I have been watching, I just wanted it to be over. Just don’t ruin the show, don’t get crazy and do something stupid, just roll credits and we’ll try again next week. You know what, I defended you after the opener like my life depended on it (and I don’t take it back; I enjoyed it, but you had your critics). I defended you last week in the face overwhelming opposition (and you made me look stupid with an even worse performance). This week, I’ve got issues, and you are just going to deal with them:

1. I’m bored. What am I watching? What’s happening? What am I cheering for? Honest question: why should I tune in next week? Only reason is because I am a fan of the show. I don’t have anything to look forward to.

1.b. Plot? I’m no expert, but a plotline of some sort would be nice. If last night was your first time watching Mad Men, how much better was that episode compared to an hour of home videos from 1962?

2. What gives with all the one-off storylines? Why is everyone on the show doing something different, and consequently, no one is doing anything of consequence? This week we had the office, the big party, the dinner party, and the house all going at once with zero connection between any of them. Four completely unrelated stories squeezed into 40 minutes. How is that supposed to work? I’m just confused as to what they were trying to accomplish.

2.b. Worst off-shoot is Betty’s dad. He grabbed his daughter’s boob already, and I am supposed to be comfortable with an episode where he is alone with a 10 year old girl for 25% of the show? I don’t think I need to go on here. On top of the awkward factor, it was boring and pointless anyways.

3. Remember the good old days when the show was about Don!? Maybe we should try that again, saying as it was the formula that put the show on the map. Pretty simple: we follow Don. Don does something awesome/confusing/morally questionable, but most importantly interesting. Maybe we check back in at the office, or with Betty, or even Peggy (hey JustBeingJosh, remember when that was the boring part of the show for you?), but I tuned in for Don. I cared about the off-shoots for how they directly or indirectly effected Don.

4. You can’t have 13 episode seasons and give me filler. Give me 26 episodes, and I’ll give you a break as long as the story moves along and I get a good open and a good close. Sorry. Those are the rules.

Ok, I’m done. Hopefully they are setting up something awesome, and I just can’t see it. As far as I can tell, this episode could be removed from the archives and 5 years from now, no one would notice when they watched the entire series. I hope I am wrong. OK, let’s end on a good note. Here were my highlights. A few nice moments, but they were just so small in comparison to how much boredom I had to sit through. But here you go, the only four moments of the show I enjoyed, in reverse order:

4. Joan rocking out as the domestic wife. That accordion scene was sweet. I could not tell if she actually ‘enjoyed’ the role, but she has certainly proven that she had it in her.

3. I love Peggy, and I like seeing her break out of her prudish mold, and succeed at work. She did both this week. It took way too long and way too much screen time to happen, but I always enjoy episodes where she progresses.

2. Don telling Roger that everyone thinks he was foolish. Don never crosses Roger, but you could tell that he was pent up. He needed to get that out. As awkward as it was, I think it helped.

1. When it happened, this actually made the whole episode worth it for me. It wasn’t until I thought about how frustrating and boring the whole hour had been that I got bitter. But when Don made out with Betty at the end, it momentarily redeemed the whole episode for me. It won’t last, but in that moment, Don realized what he had. He wasn’t foolish, and Betty was the reason why. Maybe he can never be tamed, but he won’t find anyone better as long as he wants to play the domestic game. I love those moments when he truly appreciates her.

Well, that's all folks. I kinda have a 'well it can only get better from here' sense of anticipation for next week. I really am excited about it. I think things are about to turn around. Hope springs eternal in my little corner of cyberspace. See ya next week!

Mad Men Blog – Season 3, Episode 2

2009-08-24T08:59:00.000-07:00

I usually leave my personal life out my TV blogs, but this new blog has always been a bit more self-serving than before. Point being: I was so tired last night that I am not sure if that was a filler episode or I just missed a brilliant piece of art because my brain was working at 35%. It’s worth noting that I watched all of season 1 on DVD, and season 2 was mix of Internet, DVR, and live as I scrambled to catch up after finishing S1. S2 had started before I finished S1, so I always had more supply than I could handle. Filler episodes are tough to spot when you are doing all you can to catch up to real time.

Also, as most of you know, I am much less ‘critic’ and much more ‘connoisseur’. I have no understanding of the technical aspects of making television and movies. I don’t even really get the creative process of film. I am a creative person (as far as my interests, not talent) and relatively intellectual, so I can generally distinguish between what is good and what is bad. I think people care about what I say because I can be unpretentious (The OC, and Gossip Girl being the best examples of great television with very little identifiable ‘art’), while at the same time be snobby when it come to what is ‘cool’. I get away with Gossip Girl because it is so ‘uncool’ (and maybe even juvenile and/or feminine) that you have to respect me for admitting my love for such drivel. At the same time I have little to no interest in LCD (least common denominator) crap such as most of reality TV, any ABC sitcom since I stopped watching TGIF, or ‘Two and a Half Men’. In music terms: I can’t get enough Lady Gaga, and I will never understand the appeal of Nickleback. I never want to be a man of the people, just a man of the cool people. Some of you are just too snobby or too technical. I try and find my space in the balance.

What’ the point of that diatribe? I don’t criticize much when it comes to the shows I like. Friends seasons 7-10 just happened. Smart people hate those seasons, I loved every second. There is nothing to criticize, that was just what my buddies did for those 4 years. Maybe it wasn’t as interesting as what they did for the first 6, but hey, we all get a little boring as we get older. Exception: occasionally my brain just can’t take it, so certain things just never happened. OC season 3 being the best example. That was a 3 season show as far as I am concerned. When I watch it, I go season 1, 2, 4 and have a great time. I don’t even own season 3. How could I? It never happened.

I will not criticize Mad Men. It just so happened that this week’s episode involved 2 story lines that I never like but understand, and 1 of my favorite characters acting a little annoying. Those 3 things happen all of the time, and I am fine with it, but they have never all happened in one episode before:

1: Betty’s dad/family. It needs to happen, I just don’t particularly enjoy it. Maybe that’s the point. It makes me uncomfortable and annoyed, so it helps me further understand Don. He spends his life being brilliant and then he has to just sit there and deal with this shit. I loved the mafia-style scene with William (Betty’s brother) near the end though. Don had enough, and that was just the way it was gonna be. That was cool.

2. Rodger dealing with his wife/daughter. I love it when Rodger is on screen, but I care very little about what makes him tick. All I care about is how he relates to Don. I really could care less about whether his mistress is invited to his daughter’s wedding. Again, not being critical of the writers. Just saying I don’t care. If I was in the office I would pretend like I had a meeting to avoid being involved in any discussion about those events.

3. What was Peggy doing? She seemed a little too catty. I get the whole ‘we are selling to women not men thing’ but hasn’t Don already established the ‘women want to be the woman men want’ counter argument? I like when Peggy stands up for herself and plays devil’s advocate, but she is usually either right, or she learns a lesson. (Remember when she said ‘sex sells’ and Don swatted that away? She learned from that experience). But today reminded me too much of Pete last week; just a bit whiney.

Other than that we had more British-American tension which was fine and dandy. Pete was quiet this week other than some Ken-Pete showdown foreshadowing at the top of the show. Peggy got some strange. Don was cool twice (as mentioned above and in getting MSG folks back). I’m sure there was something deep in the maypole scene at the end that I was just too tired to catch.

I loved final scene when Peggy walks into Don’s office and it’s business as usual. That summed up the episode for me: we dealt with a whole lot of bullshit this week, it wasn’t all pleasant or enjoyable, but let’s get back to business. And I love the Don-Peggy dynamic and it was nice to that is clicking along smoothly despite her off week.

See ya next week.

P.s. there has been some concern that I was going all Mad Men with my blog. I will post some juicy personal stuff sometime this week. It’s just been a hella-busy month. I’m back.

Mad Men Blog – Season 3, Episode 1

2009-08-17T15:08:00.000-07:00

And we’re off. I don’t think I’ve been so excited about a season premier since The O.C. season 2. (Entourage Season 5 is up there too, if for no other reason, the full year wait was brutal. But Entourage has such weird seasons they shouldn’t count anyways). There are 3 reason for my otherworldly anticipation :

1. It’s a kick ass show, and season premiers of kick ass shows are always ‘events’.

2. I don’t know of another show where I LOVED season 1, but it had an even better second season. Not only was it better, but season 2 was significantly better, and completely re-watchable (I re-watched all of season 2 a couple weekends ago, just because I was so geeked out for the season 3 premier).

3. General Mad Men buzz. Maybe it’s just my circle, but I went from, “I don’t even know anyone else who has even heard of the show”, to “everyone I know and even moderately respect as a TV watcher is watching this show” in six months. The DVD era has officially hit its stride. Mad Men season 3, absolutely shatters the old record of number of people “watching the show live for the first time”.

As for the episode itself, I loved it. If you’re not hard core, the beginning may have thrown you, but the (not so subtle) point of the flashback was to further establish where Don/Dick literally came from. Don is not normal. He doesn’t know how he fits fit into his own life, no matter how idealistic it is. The fact is, he doesn’t fit into his own life because it is idealistically normal. That’s the rub my friends. You have to get that if you want to really enjoy the show (especially if you consider yourself to be a moral person).

I told everyone that they could (and should) just jump in because the complexities of the show are episodically contained. Admittedly, I may have overstated that fact. This premier was for the fans, not the newbies. It was vastly more enjoyable if you knew that Don was going to ask Salvatore a creative question when they were on the plane. I never for a second thought that Don would take issue with what he saw in the hotel room. There are two reasons for this. The obvious one is that Don does not judge. The casual fan picked up this. The less obvious, and more important reason was this: ability and achievement trump all in Don’s world. His entire existence is tied to the this idea. It is the core of his being. At the end of the day, all that matters is getting the job done and coming out on top. This is the reason Don promoted Peggy, and why in his own life, he lives to validate his decision to take on a new identity (a fact punctuated when Cooper doesn’t care about Pete’s exposure of Don’s past at the end of season 2). If he can win enough, then the ends justify the means.

The more basic storyline of British and American culture clash will be a great one. I wanted to wrap it up here but I must make one point regarding Pete and Ken. Pete is one of my favorite television characters ever. I hate him for who is, but I have sympathy for the fact that his crazy family made him that way. In one episode I can be happy for him that he got the promotion, and hate him for being such a whiney baby. He is a fascinating character. It will be interesting to watch that play out.

I am sure my future blogs will be longer, but I have been so swamped this week, I just wanted to get something up. I’ll be back on Monday for Episode 2.

You May Never See Another Dog Blog From Me

2009-07-29T07:10:00.000-07:00

How is it Wednesday? I have been busy. I promised myself a Monday blog just to keep things rolling in my tiny corner of cyberspace....ooops. No good writing today, just some thoughts.

My dog had to get put to sleep yesterday. I am not going to pretend to be any kind of a dog lover because you all know I am not, but Torrie was the best. I got her for Christmas when I was 15. I named her Torrie because when I was 15, I had all of my kids names picked out and my girl name (I was going to have 2 boys, a girl, and then another boy), was going to be Victoria but I was going to call her 'Torrie'. This explains something about my childhood. Yes, I was socially awkward. This does not explain something else. How was I not gay?

Well, with Torrie's passing I can't help but focus on 2 things: 1) Why get a dog when you know you will have to watch it die? 2) Something that tied me to being a 15 year old kid is gone. You know me. I can't NOT re-examine the past 15 years of my life.

Black labs live to be 10-12. Mine lived to be 15. I guess that makes me lucky. I don't feel better knowing that. I had forgotten how much I used to play with her back then. I bought my own dog food, paid for dog classes. I was a legit owner. Not bad for a kid. When I moved out a couple years later, I left her with my mom. She loved my mom the most, and will always be remembered as my mom's dog. But for me, she was my dog. We had 3 other dogs growing up. She was the only one I claimed.

15 years. Is that a long time? A short time? What did I do in her lifetime?

Firsts: real job, real girlfriend, real car, love & pain
Life: graduated HS, moved out, moved back, bought a house, graduated college, moved to Reno, got my masters, moved back, moved around, moved to Atlanta
Jobs: babysitter, computers, office furniture, cable, media buyer, advertising, IT start-up, sportswriter, radio/TV talent, non-profit development
Women: just kidding, but believe me, I know the list and I went through it.

If this was a real-time post, you would be wondering where I have been for the past hour. I have literally started putting actual dates to the significant events of the past 15 years of my life. How old was I when I bought my house? What actual year did start working there? I was going there, and doing that, when I was dating who? I got up to my college graduation before I decided I should finish this blog.

Obsession + lack of memory = a fun time digging away at the past. My resume' was a great guide. Throw in my school dates which I know, and it starts to take shape. For some reason I am good at remembering when I started and stopped dating girlfriends too.

I had actually planned on talking about a bunch of other stuff in here, but now I am out of time. Spent my whole lunch break on a stupid timeline (which I secretly love).

Oh well, I'll see what I can get to later in the week. Guess its fitting that Torrie get her own blog. When she was a puppy, I was a boy. Now she is gone, and I am a man. R.I.P. girl. You were a great dog.

Goodbye 757

2009-07-23T08:10:00.000-07:00

It's official. For the first time since the 804 split and the 757 was born, I cannot be reached with a 757 area code. Try it, and this is all you get:

"The person you have called is unavailable right now..."

Then some Spanish, then some technical jargon. It's erie. I have called my own number a half dozen times this week. I know it's lame, but it's just so bizarre to me. Not sad, or happy, or emotional at all. Just bizarre.

It took 6 months to accept that I should move, 6 months to accept that I would move, and another 6 to accept that I had moved. And then I canceled the last thing that connected me to VA.

January, 2008: I knew my time in VA was over.
July, 2009: I knew I wasn't going back.

Goodbye 757. You have been good to me. I left for Reno in 2002, but we both knew I'd be back. When I moved to the 'burg for grad school and promised I'd never return, we both knew I was lying. When I was staying out in LA for large chunks of '03 and '04; even going so far as to almost take a job out there, we both knew it was just a fling. Even when NYC and Philly had me so many times, you always knew I would find my way home.

This time it's for real. Know that I will always think of you fondly as the place of my youth and my first love.

p.s. Why do I love being melodramatic when I write? Am I like this in real life?

Baby Crazy

2009-07-20T12:31:00.000-07:00

This is not a blog about golf, but Ross Fisher is a golfer. If you are a golf fan, you know who he is. If you are not, you have never heard of him. Every golf fan knows who Fisher is because he was all over the British Open coverage that wrapped up yesterday. You see, Fisher's wife is pregnant and due any day. Fisher had promised to leave the golf tournament as soon as his wife went into labor to be there for the birth. No matter what. As fate would have it, Fisher was right in the thick of things after Saturday's round which led to the debate: What if he is about to win the Open on Sunday when his wife goes into labor?

Would he really leave and lose maybe his only chance to win the greatest golf tournament he could ever win? To spend your whole life, with one dream, and walk away right at the end? The argument of course, is career over family. But they missed a key point. I get being there for your wife. But I ask you, what about the kid?

You see, when I was young, I found out that the only reason that my parents stayed together was because of me. My dad thinks this a great compliment to me. It's not. You see, I have lived every day of my life, from the moment I learned that, trying to make it worth it. Two people's lives, forever changed, because of me. That is a lot of pressure. And to be quite honest, I have never felt good enough. I probably never will. Throw in the fact that my dad was a pastor and all that goes into being a pk, and my sanity never had a chance.

The good news of course, is that my parents made it. They fought a lot when I was little (they were the same age that I am now, but with 3 kids and no money; I can't even imagine what that was like), but they grew up. Now, they are totally in love and happy, and could not imagine their lives without each other. Great for them, too late for me. I have spent my whole life trying to validate my existence as a human being; to prove that I deserve to be here.

On top of that, when I started dating I was reminded all to often to 'not marry my mother'. Needless to say, all women are crazy, so all women remind me of my mother.

Here's the sad part: I readily acknowledge that I have the greatest parents ever. I have the 'I wish I had your parents' parents. Kids with super-strict parents thought my parents were super-chill. Kids with no structure would talk to my parents for hours because the needed someone to care. On top of that, my parents never did anything to intentionally hurt me. My dad thought he was giving me a boost when he told me that I was so great he could never leave. He thought he was helping when he warned me about women. My parents love me more than anything. I don't know how some of you made it. I know I am the guy who won the lottery and is complaining because next week it would have been even bigger. Believe me, I get it. Somehow realizing how messed up that is only makes me more messed up. I have only gotten better by accepting my flaws and working to improve. So what's my deal?

I was talking to my brother when I was home and I think I discovered something: I don't appreciate being born. I think my parents have a genuine appreciation for the fact that their parents gave them life. I don't. I love my parents, but I didn't ask to be born. They got it on, and 9 months later they had to deal with me. I had nothing to do with that. Why do I owe them? Not only that, they were legally required to take care of me. I was a baby. Those were the rules. I know it's shitty to say, but I feel like they did what they were supposed to do. As soon as I could take care of myself I did.

Don't get me wrong, I am so very grateful for everything that they have done. They sacrificed a great deal for me. I have never wanted a day in my life. Even after I left, they always welcomed me back anytime I hit a rough patch. My life would be far worse without that support.

Maybe that's why I have grown so much lately. Our relationship is a choice now, and they have proven to always be there for me. I don't need them like a baby needs them, and I couldn't imagine life without them. One of these days I will have my own kids, and when I do, I will probably understand just how immature and silly I am at this moment in my life. That still doesn't change one simple fact:

If that Fisher kid had cost his dad the Open, just by being born, he could kiss any chance of being normal out the window. Then again, maybe normal is overrated. I'm as crazy as they come and I've had a damn good life.

Fetch Me My 'Depends'

2009-07-17T08:33:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading Josh's Emmy blog and my mind wandered for a bit. I'm a daydreamer so this happens often.

Then "Ba-Ding". My e-mail notification tone. "Bzzzzz" my BlackBerry vibrates under my arm alerting me of the same. A new message notification pops up on my computer screen.

The daydream is abruptly over.

I am sure this has happened countless times before, but this time it hit me: Do I really need to hear, feel, and see that my 'Daily Media report' has arrived?

I know this is a very tired and cliche' old man rant, but I really do love technology. I just got this VOIP thing set up so all of my voice mails are sent to my e-mail in a .wav file. It's awesome. But for some reason I was annoyed by it today. Last night I was hanging out at a rock show and was overwhelmed by all the teenagers. "Teenagers?" I could not believe I used that word. That is what old people call me! What is going on? How did this happen?

I was uncomfortable until I found a prematurely balding guy that I convinced myself was older than me. Until I saw his girlfriend that couldn't buy a lottery ticket. Needless to say, I showed the girls I was with that I could still hang...until I fell asleep at 11:45. Thankfully they put a blanket on me before they left. That fan would have given me a cold.

Well, enough rambling. I have three devices reminding my that my fantasy football IR to PS deadline is tonight. Thank god I didn't miss that!

Ramblings of a Traveling Man

2009-07-16T12:12:00.001-07:00

I have a bunch of notes and partial-posts from my week home that at one time I was going to turn into blogs, but I am just going to ramble today. Pretty much a combination of self-serving therapy, and stuff I would usually journal because I like keeping track of interpersonal developments, but I have been trying to be more 'raw' lately. That probably sounds weird, but it is all a part of taking my self-awareness (which I am good at) to a greater level of self-acceptance (which I am not).

I am currently sitting pool-side listening to music while on my lunch break. It is a perfectly calm setting. I am forcing myself into a time constraint which will be an interesting exercise. When the time is up, I will just post.

A friend of my parents is going through a divorce. This led to an interesting conversation with my dad on the subject. In many areas of a spiritual, moral, or Biblical nature I go to my dad as the expert. Strangely, this was the first time we had ever talked about this subject. I had always assumed he was a pretty hard line 'abuse or infidelity only' guy. He would probably characterize himself that way as well, but 'emotional/verbal' abuse and unwillingness to receive help fits in there somewhere. I found this conversation to be interesting.

During this same talk we got into the subject of marriage (my brother's wedding being the purpose of my visit of course). I have been thinking a lot about marriage in the past year or so. Ready/not ready? Could I do it? Do I want to? Should I want to?

During this talk he said to me in a very matter-of-fact manner: "You are a self-centered person."

Of course what he said is not newsworthy. He is 100% true. What was interesting was that this did not hurt my feelings. For my whole life, my dad has been able to crush me. For some reason what he thinks about me is so very important, that it can be consuming at times. But I didn't flinch. Maybe I am growing up finally. Becoming my own man. Aware of the things in me that need to change, but my identity is about me and God. Is my dad becoming just my dad after 30 years of mental gymnastics? I always knew it wasn't my dad's fault that I felt so much pressure. He is an awesome guy. Am I finally out of his shadow?

As for being married, it sounds painful. "Dying to myself"? Who signs up for that? But I am beginning to feel like the best version of me cannot exist alone. I can only grow so much as a self-centered, selfish person. I am generous, loyal, and a great friend to a great many people. Most people would characterize me as a 'good person'. People that have known me long enough would say I have 'completely changed'. But, have I ever "died to myself"? Not even close. I live to maximize my own happiness. I changed because I like myself better this way. I am a great friend, because I like having great friends back. I am fairly good at golden-rule type things, becasue I get a return. I am moral to the extent that it provides the best outcome for me in the long run. The closer I get to God the stronger I feel that I have only begun to scratch the surface of who I can be. And if that takes "death" then so be-it. I don't want to settle for less, just to be comfortable and avoid pain. (Insert caterpillar-butterfly metaphor here).

My little brother is married. That was a wild thing to get my head around. He has a wife. It didn't hit me until after he left the wedding. As soon as he was gone, I was ready to go home. And home for me is Atlanta, GA. I was there for him, and once he left I realized that things were different now. That was a crazy night. I had a great time in VA, but I was ready to be in my own place, with my own life. My parents house, borrowing cars, Virginia Beach in general, it all felt like a place I used to live. And it reminded me of a person I used to be. I like being out on my own; starting my own thing; being my own man. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my family and friends. But I need to start putting some roots down here.

It's time to start making friends here, and making a life here. As soon as the plane touched down, I could feel it. I was home. And it felt good. I missed my office, I missed my apartment, I missed my car. The mental switch finally flipped. I was gone, and I was happy. My first night back, some girl from a church I have been to was randomly at my softball game. She recruited me to come play with them. Maybe it’s nothing, but sometimes you can't get started on a new life until you are ready to leave the old one. Don't worry Virginia Beach, I'll be back in August. We always have a great time, but I'm just a visitor.

179.8

2009-07-15T05:57:00.000-07:00

In the Spring of 2007 I thought I had peaked as a softball player.

You see, when I first started playing I didn't realize how different it was from baseball (which I had played my whole life), and I totally sucked. I couldn't get the ball out of the infield, much less hit anything hard (which is the key to the game). I decided then and there that I was going to dedicate myself to the game and become a good enough player that strangers would recruit me to play with them. I wanted to be a mercinary. By the Fall of 2006, the upstart, scrub team we had put together had grown from a D-league laughing stock, to a legit C-ball team that competed for the playoffs. I had become a good player, but towards the end of the 2007 Spring season there was a problem; I had no speed. My only extra base hits were the home runs I hit over the fence. You see, I was fat.

I always ate whatever I wanted and I could never crack 200 lbs. Then all of the sudden it happened. No big deal. Then 205. Then 210. 220!? When I finally hit 223, I realized there was no ceiling, I would just keep getting fatter. And now my softball game was suffering. Yeah I was hitting a lot of home runs, but my game is about speed. I am not big enough to be the stereotypical fat softball player (nor did I ever want THAT). I needed to get in shape. At the end of the season I e-mailed the entire team, and told them I would be under 200 lbs by the start of Fall ball, or I would bench myself.

So I broke up with the girl that made me so fat (not really, but the story sounds better that way. My sister did showed me a picture of us back then a few days ago and I was shocked at how fat I looked. She should have broken up with ME because I was so fat). It wasn't long until I was under 200. I made it well before the season started. Shockingly, I had started dating another girl that I outweighed by 120 lbs. She wrote 185 on a post-it and stuck it on my monitor. I stared at that every day. A couple months later I made my new goal, and eventually, just to say I lost 40 lbs, I stretched it to 183.

For all of 2008 I lived around 185. Life was good. Then I moved to Atlanta. I was working all of the time, eating out a lot more, and never exercising. I was consistently over 190, and when I hit 195 I put on the breaks. Never again. This time I decided for a lifestyle change. I wanted to eat healthier anyways now that I am 30. More organic, more veggies, less red meat. My friends started calling me manorexic, and I joked about it, but I really do feel great. I was under 185 in a jiffy and have been there a while. Then I started exercising a little bit and really started living in the 181-183 space. Could I ever hit the 170s? Nah, that's college weight. Every time I would close in on 180, it would be after a game, and once I re-hydrated I'd be back at 182. But this morning, the dream was realized.

I got up, had my AM pee, and stepped on the scale. 180.0. Right on the button. I couldn't believe it. So I ran my hand under some warm water, squeezed out a few more drops, and stripped off my boxers. Sure enough: 179.8. I made it. This is a very happy morning for me.

Oh yeah, I got recruited to join another team last night, after I went 3-3 with another HR. That was actually going to be a part of today's blog before I stepped on the scale. Maybe I'll get to that later, but for now, I hit the 170s baby!

I say "I Do" to 'The Proposal'

2009-07-08T08:07:00.000-07:00

Hollywood does it again. As big of a cynic as I am in my real romantic life, I am blindly optimistic when it comes to love on the big screen. It's been a long time since I have seen a RomCom in theaters. In fact, the last one I remember is 'Serendipity' which almost doesn't count b/c it was during my "I heart John Cussack" phase. Don't laugh. He had a great run.

Pause to review my JC experience:

1) Early-mid 90s: I didn't live the 80s until the 90s so 'Better Off Dead', 'One Crazy Summer', and 'Say Anything' is an underrated trio of decade dominance imo. (You can even throw in the great Disney pic 'Journey of Natty Gann' which I loved as a sheltered 7 year old).

2) Con Air in 1997 was fun when I was 18 and before TNT decided to run it every weekend for the next decade

3) Didn't see 'Gross Pointe Blank' ('97) until 1998 when it came out on video. Great pic.

4)Being John Malkovich 1999. Classic.

5) High Fidelity 2000. An ALL-TIME fav.

After a run like that, you're telling me I'm missing 'Serendipity' in 2001? Hell no. In fact I enjoyed it very much. I even tried to talk myself into liking 'America's Sweethearts' and 'Runaway Jury'. "He's still got it!" I would argue. Then 'The Ice Harvest' put me on life support, and 'Must Love Dogs' pulled the plug. But my 2001 love was a very very real thing. I don't regret you JC. You helped make me the man I am today.

In a shocking turn of events, I started a blog and switched to something completely off-topic. I swear, I don't do this on purpose. You know this if we've have ever had a personal conversation. Back to the point.

I love the movies, and I love going to the movies. However, my theater priorities are as follows:

1 - Big Budget action movies. Think 'Transformers' or 'Iron Man'. Some movies are just made for the big screen. Seeing 'The Matrix' on opening day was one of my favorite movie experiences ever. 12 months later on HBO just wouldn't have been the same.

2 - Adult Comedy on opening weekend. Think Sandler or Farell in their heyday, or 'The Hangover' currently. Some suck, but when you are the first one to see 'Old School' and you can laugh your ass off in a crowded theater and then relive the jokes for the next 3 weeks, it is totally worth it.

3 - The Oscar films. Love seeing as many or all of the relevant Oscar films in theaters. In 2007 I rocked; I saw them all on my own when they came out and it was great. Last year I sucked; I saw 'Slumdog Millionaire' the day of the Oscars, and didn't catch 'Benjamin Button' until video.

4 - Others. Think 'Garden State' or 'The Weatherman'. It's hit or miss, but you try to be on the first wave of something unique. I missed the former, and swung and missed with the latter, but it's a fun game. I scored with 'Sideways' on opening weekend, but that ended up in the the Oscar group anyways.

5 - Random indie at the Naro. Think 'Waking Life'. Got to support the little guys.

Of course many of those fall through the cracks leaving very little time for RomComs. The RomCom theater experience is for daters, and I am not a fan of the movie date:

A) First dates are for finding reasons NOT to see the person again. Sitting in a movie does not help you find out how annoying, shallow, or dumb a girl is. Give me 20 minutes and a $4 cup of coffee, and I know if I'll ever see that girl again.

B) Girlfriends have to (and hopefully like to) see movies from the previously discussed list. I love the RomComs themselves, but we can see them on video without missing anything.

There are so many movies I want to see in theaters but don't have time for. I just can't waste a theater day on a movie that really doesn't need to be on the big screen or experienced in a crowd.

After seeing 'The Proposal', I may need to rethink the movie date. It was at the end of a 'day hang', so lest I talk this poor girl's ear off any longer, the movies seemed like a good capper. I had heard bad things about 'Transformers 2' and good things about 'The Proposal' so I figured, what the hay? Lets try it.

The theater was pretty full, mostly couples around my age, so that was a good start. Always good to be in the right demo for a positive theater experience. It also helped that this particular movie was actually funny. I laughed a lot. In fact, I always love it when I can laugh more than I am supposed to, and the people around me join in. Maybe they are laughing "at" me, but whatever. It's still a fun vibe.

***Spoiler Alert***

You know what? I totally bought the movie. 2 people that hate each other absolutely CAN fall in love in three days as long as the experience is quirky and unpredictable enough. Lifelong emotional damage can be wiped away in 72 hours as long as there is a wacky but endearing grandmother involved. Bonus points if she can pull off the fake heart attack. A father-son bond that can never be broken will be forged. I am not being sarcastic. I wish I had a wacky but endearing grandmother. I would probably be married with three kids right now if I did.

I love the movies because they are fun. This movie was more fun being at the theater, laughing with random people, and seeing it before I heard much about it. I am an optimist in all but love, but when I am at the movies I believe again. So bravo Hollywood. Even if it was just for 2 hours, you made a believer out of me. Now I just need to find someone I really hate...

Just for the Blog of it

2009-07-07T07:10:00.001-07:00

Don't really have a whole lot to say today, but I wanted to keep my momentum going. I have plenty of blog ideas, but lack the time/creativity at the moment to finish them. I will say life is good. I am happy as I have ever been, and I am living with purpose.

I am working from home this week, which means I get up ungodly early to get started on work, and squeeze as much into my afternoon as possible before staying up ungodly late. And you wonder why my regular life is so boring. I am resting up from trips home.

My little brother is getting married on Saturday. That is a crazy thought. Oddly enough it does not really effect me as much as people expect. I have gotten a lot of "So....your little brother huh? How do you feel about THAT?!" lately, and to be honest, I am stoked for him, but it has very little impact in me. While it is true that I will be 31 and single, and both of my little siblings will married with kids, I really am unaffected personally.

Has my narcissism finally worn off? Sadly, no. I just feel strongly that I am where I need to be at this point in my life, and it took everything that has happened previously to get me here. I am ready for the next chapter, but I could never have said that before now.

Lastly, as self-centered and self-absorbed as I can be, that has never really been the case with my siblings. I have always wanted the best for them, and while they may be the only two people I care about more than myself, I'll take what I can get. It is certainly no credit to me, if you know them, you know how easy it is to love them. That, and it was how we were raised. From as early as I can remember, it was never about fairness with us; it was always 'you win, we win'. We have always been happy for each other. If there is any great pearl of wisdom I hope to steal from my parents, it is that.

With that I will sign off for the day. Greetings from my old home, and here's to the next chapter.

Summer Reading List

2009-07-02T06:13:00.000-07:00

Just picked up my latest stack of books from B&N. Should be a good Summer. Some religion, some politics, some economics....and plenty of Gladwell and Klosterman. Just figuring out the order, and I thought I would share. Feel free to read along and/or make recommendations.

1. Starving Jesus; Craig Gross & J.R. Mahon

Already 5 chapters in, and I am enjoying it so far. Picked up based on a recommendation. I liked 'Velvet Elvis' and 'Blue Like Jazz' so I figured I'd enjoy this. Less post-modern Christianity and more pro-active and practical. Just a tad on the preachy side, and more amateurish than the other two, but the heart of the authors' is in a good place and that comes through. I already have some take-aways, and will probably finish it before my plane lands tomorrow.

2. The Long Tail; Revised and Updated; Chris Anderson - "The future of commerce and culture isn’t in hits, the high-volume head of a traditional demand curve, but in what used to be regarded as misses -- the endlessly long tail of that same curve."

Read most of the first edition, but didn't own it. Anderson's latest book, 'Free' comes out next week, so I want to finish this before then.

3. Free: The Past and Future of a Radical Price; Anderson - "The growing online economy is built upon three cornerstones: processing power, hard drive storage, and bandwidth. The costs of all these elements are trending toward zero at an incredible rate...In a world where prices always seem to go up, the cost of anything built on these three technologies will always go down. And keep going down, until they are as close to zero as possible."

I am salivating. Most of you probably just fell asleep. I am a nerd.

4. Outliers: The Story of Success; Gladwell

I know, I know. How can I be a Gladwell fan and still have not read this when it's been out for 6 months? A) It's been a bit crazy this year. B) I feel like I read half of the book already through his New Yorker columns. C) I had other books I had promised myself I would finish. This was the prize.

5. Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas; Klosterman

Again, one of my fav authors, but honestly I was 'Klostermaned-out' after my epic obsession in 2006. I needed a break. After I randomly re-read the first chapter of 'Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs' because someone said it perfectly described my view of women, I remembered how much I loved and missed Chuck, especially since he left Spin. I'm back baby!

6. Liberal Fascism: The Secret History of the American Left, From Mussolini to the Politics of Change; Jonah Goldberg - "Offers a startling new perspective on the theories and practices that define fascist politics. Replacing conveniently manufactured myths with surprising and enlightening research, Jonah Goldberg reminds us that the original fascists were really on the left, and that liberals from Woodrow Wilson to FDR to Hillary Clinton have advocated policies and principles remarkably similar to those of Hitler's National Socialism and Mussolini's Fascism."

I read so many liberals, I have to mix it up a bit. Honestly, I saw this when I was picking up my other books, and it looked interesting. A NYTBS, and since "Fascist" is the typical retort when calling someone a commie or socialist, I figured it was worth a read.

7. Downtown Owl; Klosterman

I don't typically read fiction, but since Chuck and I are back together, I figured I'd give his novel a try.

8. Liberty and Tyranny: A Conservative Manifesto; Mark R. Levin

Typical Conservative stuff here. Another NYTBS, and something I have wanted to read since it came out in March. A candidate to get bumped if something else comes along, but I'll get to it eventually.

9. The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference; Gladwell

Don't freak out. Of course I have read this. I just loaned it out and never got it back. I wanted my Gladwell collection to be complete, and I have been doing more re-reads lately, so if anything else gets tedious, I can go here for a break.

10. The Book of Basketball; Bill Simmons

You all know I love Bill. His newest book doesn't come out 'til October, and I hope to be done with this list before then, but I have pre-ordered it and it gives me an even 10.

You're Only as Strong as This Week's Links

2009-07-01T11:21:00.000-07:00

Once again, if you missed it, I got your back. Here's what I found interesting this week:

Is Simon really worth $144 mil/yr? - Maybe not, but the show suffers without him

My Alma mater is thinking about going 'Green' with the new mascot - To be honest, I am totally 'stalked' about it

You prob already know this, but gad to see Madoff get the finger - Punishment fits the crime imo

Habitat makes a Rick Reilly appearance - Love the love

A Malcolm Gladwell book review? You know I'm posting that - Already have "Long Tail", "Free" has been pre-ordered

That sketchy N Korean ship I am obsessed with has turned around - Maybe no one else cares but I do

Not really 'news' but I follow this guy on Twitter - My bro turned me onto this site

My Tribute to JM...I Mean MJ

2009-06-30T06:03:00.000-07:00

Many of you know my former creative partner Josh, (I hate saying former, but whatever, not getting hung up on that). In fact, if you don’t read him, you should be: http://justbeingjosh.com/. He is much more entertaining than I am. I write for therapy, he writes because that is what he was born to do. I have always wanted to write, and maybe even needed to write, but there is only one reason I do it today: Josh taught me how. I still ramble too much, and my structure is weak, but at least I get my ideas out and I make sense. He was the perfect editor: he nursed my ego at the beginning, held my hand as I struggled, and then as I grew in confidence he hacked my stuff up. We were great together. I have written a lot of garbage, but every once in a while I stumble upon a good vein and feel that I have contributed something new and creative to the world. I can live with that.

Stay with me, I have a point. Our radio show was my time to shine. That show is probably the least significant thing I have ever loved. When that On Air light came on, I was a different person. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing, but I was good. Josh was the perfect co-host. He knew exactly what he was doing; did 90% of the work and I got too much credit. I was lost without him, and he never cared. He was a great producer, and he would just set me up all day long. Our ‘success’ was based on one simple premise: ‘Don’t follow the crowd’. If everyone was talking about something, we stayed away from it. We were nobodies, and there wasn’t a soul in the world (outside maybe blood relatives and few girls) who cared about our perspective when everyone and their mom was giving theirs. So we kept if fresh, and quick, and new. We wanted to tell our audience about something they wouldn’t find unless the tuned into our show. And it worked. We were different and it was something that people wanted to hear. (See my March 17, 2008 blog for the end of that era).

Today, I had to ask Josh for permission to break the code. I just have to write something about Michael. I was writing all the time, and then Michael died and it has affected me in a way I was not expecting. He granted me permission.

First of all, the fact that a famous person died does not really matter. His value as a human being is no more valuable than any other person, and so many people die every day. There are 2 American journalists in prison in North Korea as we speak. If they die I will actually be sad. That would be unjust and wrong. Iranian protesters dying over election results effects me emotionally. I feel for them. It makes me appreciate the freedoms we enjoy. That is real life, and real loss. This is not about a warped perception of the value of life.

It is also not about celebrity. I remember when Princess Diana died. Billions of people cared, and I wasn’t one of them. I cared much more about Chris Farley’s death, and that was only because he wouldn’t be making anymore movies. But something about Michael’s passing just stuck with me. I found myself on BET, and MTV, and VH1 whenever I had down time this weekend. Prior to that, I didn’t even know the channel numbers of those stations. I am no longer in their demographic. And I guess that is the point. When Michael died, a little piece of my childhood died too. That sounds so over-the-top as I read what I just said, but I can’t come up with another way to phrase it.

I was the perfectly-isolated-from-anything-bad kid. I was homeschooled and I went to a very conservative church. Every single one of my friends were homeschooled and went to that church. Even the good Christian kids that went to my church but also public school seemed wild and dangerous to me. I played in a Christian sports league, and I loved it. I was not rebellious about it at all. I was perfectly happy in this world. I rode my bike, played outside til it was dark, and was always happy. We didn’t have a TV, and when we did I watched Gospel Bill, and Little House on the Prairie. One time, I was at a birthday party and they watched He-Man. I knew I was not allowed to watch it, but I did anyways. I didn’t even want to, and it was very stressful, but I didn’t want to be alone either. They next day I was so sick, and I just knew God was punishing me. I vowed never to do anything bad again.

I loved Carmen. I went to his concerts, and thought he was awesome. I went to see Phil Driscol and Twila Paris. I listened to Sandi Patti, Amy Grant, Steven Curtis Chapmen, Michael W. Smith. And Michael Jackson. I owned all Christian music. I had the t-shirts, the movies, the magazines. There was nothing about me that was cool, hip, or trendy. And I had no interest in trying to be any of that (not that I even knew what that would be). All of my friends were the same way as me. As far as I was concerned I was normal. I played with Leggos, GI Joes, Transformers, and Construx. And I listened to the “Bad” album a million times.

All weekend during these tributes they talked about his cross-over style. He appealed to black and white, young and old. Rockers, rappers, dancers, R&B. Didn’t matter, everyone loved Michael. Even completely, perfectly naïve little Christian homeschooled white boys who listened to Carmen. I remember someone teaching me the F-word. I remember someone teaching me about the middle finger. I had no idea what sex was until I was told. The concept of a condom completely confused me. Nobody ever told me about Michael Jackson. He just was. And now he is gone.

I guess that is the crux of it. I’m all grown up now. Just last Saturday I heard the 1 millionth, “You were homeschooled?!? You seem so….well-adjusted.” It’s always the same quote: “well-adjusted.” I just laugh now. Sometimes, just for fun, I’ll just say it for them. I guess my innocence died a long time ago, but with the passing of Michael, I feel like the last thing that connected me to that kid is gone. I’m not sure how relevant Michael was now anyways, he was pretty much just a freak show I guess. But to me, he was still that memorizing star that owned the stage, or the music video, or the song. No one will ever be as big as he was. There is too much other stuff going on. Plus, anyone like him would feel ‘produced’ or ‘manufactured’. He was organic (relatively), when something organic could become something huge. I didn’t like him because we was popular. I liked him because everyone did, but not because it was the thing to do. It was just that simple: everyone did.

So lump me into the cliché’ “a little piece of me died” group. But now I can move on. Maybe it was fitting really. The past year and a half has been about moving on from my Peter Pan complex (or ‘extended adolescence’ as the shrinks like to call it). The women in my life had no idea just how accurate their claims of “grow up” actually were. But I did grow up. Not sure how ‘manly’ I feel, but I certainly don’t feel boyish. I have changed and I am a different person. Now the kid in me has to accept that the pop star that defined pop culture for me is dead. ‘Neverland’ is gone, and even when it was still here it was pretty creepy. So long Michael. You were probably the weirdest 50-yr old in history. I’m glad I grew up before I hit 30.

I know what you are thinking. Leave it to me to make the passing of a global icon worshiped by billions of people all about me. It’s OK. Josh said I could, and he is man who knows about such things.

Five Random Things

2009-06-25T06:32:00.000-07:00

Some random things to comment on that either did not deserve a full blog, or I lacked the time/creativity/intelligence to expound upon.

1. One of my main goals on my last trip home was getting Jacob and Benji hooked on Mad Men. We watched S1E1 on my last night in town, and the rest is history. Season 3 starts August 16th. If you catch up now, you can be cool. If you wait any longer, you will have to choose between being a poser or a loser and you will hate yourself. Season 1 can be obtained on Netflix. Season 2 will be officially released on July 14th but you can get most episodes online if you are smart like me, and all the episodes if you know someone smart like Dave. I will be writing a full Mad Men blog soon, and I am even thinking about returning to my blogging roots with weekly episode reviews.

2. Since I have been blogging again, my Twitter obsession has wained. I only have so much creative juice, and I like my tweets to be somewhat interesting or newsworthy (relatively speaking of course). I have found myself drifting back to facebook more as well. Do you care? I doubt it. I know this and I still say it. That tells you a lot about me.

3. I talked earlier this week about counting to five. I also bragged about how well my routine had worked the past few months. Of course this led to me getting cocky, which led to me not counting every time, which led to me losing my glasses. The lesson? Not sure there is one.

4. I am never one to be concerned with the state of the world, but N Korea has threatened to nuke us if we mess with that sketchy ship of theirs we have been following. I can't help but feel like another Korean War is possible. I am following the Iranian election very closely, but I am bordering on obsessed with Korea. I just remembered I spent a month or so last summer studying the Korean War, so maybe that is why.

5. I have no idea why that Gov Sanford story interested me in the first place, but talk about a pay-off. I am usually not interested in those kind of stories, but for some reason I found myself wondering where this dude disappeared to. The writing in Appalachia just didn't sound right. But Argentinian mistress? You can't make this stuff up.

That's all for now. Off to work. "OK Computer" was today's album de jour. Some days you just don't want to be let down.

10 Dating Tips From the Mind of Middle Schooler

2009-06-24T07:37:00.000-07:00

"Your life will not end alone"

That was the subject line of an e-mail I received yesterday. It was written by a 13-yr old friend of mine, and it is an encouragement to single women who are looking for love. It is hilarious, insightful, naive, and so very true all at the same time. I laughed and laughed and laughed. I hope you do the same. This kid knows what's up.

To borrow a phrase from Beyonce' 'All you single ladies...get yo hands up' cause this one's for you:

'You have nothing to worry about until your like 35+. I'm sure tons of your friends love you and want to go out with you. E Harmony is a scam for people to find their true love even though its as fake as this government. You have a ton of time to find the right person that God made for you to love and live with forever until you die. So don't freak out or get upset because you will find him one day.

1) Ask your friends if they have single friends
2) Don't be afraid to venture out and meet people
3) When you're out on a date just act like yourself and don't act like you're desperate for love
4) Don't be mean to make them scared of you
5) Tell him a joke or two and see if he laughs (If he doesn't it probably means he has no sense of humor)
6) Don't act like your bored. If you are, just show him your always in a good mood even you aren't
7) E Harmony is for older people. I don't want you to find a man that's 35 on there and go out with him......that's just creepy
8) Watch what you say and make sure its not stupid
9) Don't SAY ANYTHING about your EX BOYFRIENDS cause that's just weird. Wait until like the 4th date
10) Don't join any dating services because there fake.'

--------------------------

I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did.

Keeping up with this week's theme, this morning was sponsored by The Working Title's "Everyone Here Is Wrong"

Happy Humpday

Update to Yesterday's Blog

2009-06-23T05:19:00.000-07:00

So, of course the next time I listen to 'Lost' it is painfully obvious that Buble is talking about a girl he had a previous relationship with, not sure how it ended, she goes through a traumatic experience, he will always be there for her.

Basically it could have been the theme song for Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck's relationship in 'He's Just Not That Into You'. You know that 'Friends' scene where it's raining and 'With or Without You' is playing? Just insert that scene into that movie, only Ross is Ben Affleck, and 'Lost' is playing. Actually they really should have done that. Somehow this realization takes some of the fun out of the song. This is why I believe what a song means to ME is oftentimes more important that what the artist meant.

Needless to say, I haven't listened to 'Lost' since. My Lady Gaga bender over the weekend has me set for a while, and somehow admitting publicly my love of Kings of Leon has made me insecure about them at the moment. So this morning I needed to change it up, and as i flipped through my iPod at 6am I was drawn to Silverchair's "Young Modern", a fun album that you will remember for the hit single 'Straight Lines' but reminded me of 'Winter Meltdown '07' at the TED. We went for Jimmy Eat World, but Silverchair was a nice bonus. Another reason I love music. Without Silverchair I would totally have forgotten this story; I already have too many J.E.W. memories.

That night pretty much sums up my relationship with Aaron: terrifying and awesome.

Terrifying: Being hit on by two girls (during Silverchair) who:

Claimed to go to: Longwood
Actually went to: Tallwoood

Big difference. Needless to say, I've been IDing ever since. Fortunately Aaron and I decided to sneak into VIP (a few bands latter b/c we wanted a better view for J.E.W.) which led to:

Awesome: Crashing a VIP room and becoming best friends in 30 seconds with some random dude who is having a birthday party. This led to his uptight sister spending 30 minutes trying to kick us out before he kicked her out. Don't mess w Paulie Walnuts and the Beast when we have our A-game on. (We got Sam and Noelle in too, and we all rocked out from the best seats at the TED).

Why Does My Routine Like Michael Buble?

2009-06-22T08:01:00.000-07:00

I moved to Atlanta at the end of January; my first day at work was 8 days after I received my offer. Even as I transitioned into my mature, adult life, it was still flying-by-the-seat-of-my-pants crazy. This was either extremely fitting or entirely necessary, but either way I loved it and it worked. I moved into my apartment in February, my brother helped me move some stuff down later that month, and by the time I returned from my 30th birthday party in March, I had acquired a bed, some dishes, and some furniture. A used couch and sweet TV (I rationalized that purchase somehow, but I won’t bore you with those details), would soon follow. Now that I was finally ‘settled’, it was time for a routine. The longer you have known me, the better you understand the mental exercise it takes for me to get through a day; the more I can reduce menial tasks to auto-pilot the better.

My routine consists of two basic tenants: music and counting. The first thing I do when I wake up is walk from my bed to my stereo in the living room (I have a tiny place; this is 12 steps). I have already selected the music during the 30-60 minutes I lay in bed doing 3 things: thinking about the previous day, figuring out what today looks like, and talking to God. There is no rhyme or reason to which of those activities get the most time. I let my brain wander, I am at my happiest in the morning. Great days are even better, and terrible days are OK as long as I am there. I will never be closer to God than at the beginning of my day. Everything will be OK, and that is enough for me.

So I select my music, and it fills my apartment (more on the actual selections in a minute). Then I brush my teeth, step on the scale, and get ready for work. I usually eat cereal, but sometimes if I am in a hurry I’ll do a pop tart. Then I look at my list of things to do and make sure I am in order. I take my iPod and put in the earphones and unplug it from my stereo; the music flow is un-interrupted.

Then I count to 5. I will count to 5 many more time today. I need 5 things on a work day, 4 on a weekday or if I go out. They are phone (most important), wallet, keys, glasses, and badge. Since I have started working, I have yet to go to work without these 5 things. You know why? I always count to 5. Every time I leave one place for another, I count to 5. Even if I need to remember to take my green portfolio (which I do almost every day), I only grab that after I count to 5. Portfolio and iPod are luxury items. I can’t risk the system on luxury items. Plus the important thing about 5 is it counts 5 specific things. Sometimes I leave my portfolio in the car. Sometimes my iPod is in my portfolio if I go out right after work. I don’t need variables, I need a system. And it never changes. I have been counting to 5 (or 4 on weekends b/c I don’t need my badge) for 4 months, and it has not let me down.

My old shrink was a fan of systems. According to her, the key to managing my life was to do a better job controlling the things I could control. The theory being, if I didn’t have to stress about losing my keys, trying to understand my mother’s behavior would be less frustrating. I think she was right. Of course the key with systems is to not obsess about them. That’s why I am writing about this one. It works for me, but I don’t love it. It provides some level of functionality, but I don’t need it. Some years ago, I had a little fun with some OCD behavior. That got a little crazy. To recap, it’s all about balance.

I can tell you this, it is quite fun being obsessive AND whatever you call someone with similar behavior to ADHD (I took that test and it was bullshit, plus if you are dating the counselor and she’s trying to prove you’re crazy, isn’t that a conflict of interest or something?) Let’s just say the voices inside my head are always having a great time. You think you can’t obsess and be easily distracted at the same time. Ha. Just keep reading.

So we are almost 800 words in and I am just getting to the point of this blog. This is precisely why I will never be a great writer. I can never just get to the point. I would feel naked if I just started talking about the music. Everything else in my routine is so tied into the music. Oh well, I don’t write to be read, I write to write. Carrying on (probably alone by this point).

Since I have been in Atlanta, I have been surprised at the music I have chosen to take me to work. At night when I am home, my musical taste returns to the norm, and make s a lot of sense. But the morning has been dominated by 3 albums: Lady Gaga’s “The Fame”, Michael Buble’s “Call Me Irresponsible”, and Kings of Leon “Only By the Night”. Of the 100 or so days I have worked thus far, I would say 75-85 have been represented by 1 of those 3. And that is only so ‘low’ because Band of Horses got a significant run leading up to their show, (although I listened to “Cease to Begin” 10 times more than “Everything All the Time”).

When I get home at night its back to normal: Arcade Fire, The Format, Death Cab, The Killers, Santagold, Black Eyed Peas, Prince, and even ‘cough’ O.A.R. You know, the usuals. I got into the Essex Green, I rediscovered OK Go, and I tried out some Paul Simon (enjoyed it). I have listened to all of the Radiohead records in order at least 3 times, and compared “The Joshua Tree” to “Achtung Baby” twice. You get the point. But why gives with my morning music?

Well, first of all, the album has several jobs. It has to be inspiring as it is the first thing I do after I get up. Get me through the teeth brushing, getting ready for work, and breakfast. Then, it has to last for a 10 minute drive to my parking spot. Finally, it needs to provide the soundtrack for my ‘big girl in the big city’ walk through downtown and to my office. This is a tall order. I love my mornings, and for some reason those 3 albums do it for me.

Lady Gaga is easy. She satisfies my not-so-secret love of pop music in a very special way. I was too young for Madonna, too old for Brittany, and too musically insecure for anyone else before or after (like Fergie whose album I acquired in secret after the fact). Now that I have embraced my love of Journey, Billy Joel, and Taylor Swift, I am free to rock out to the over-produced sounds of a certifiably insane chick whose particular style of sold-out-to-the-masses pop styling appeals to me in a very real way. Until now, I have never owned a truly ‘pop’ record during the 15 minutes it was at all relevant. I kinda want to put her poster on my wall. In a very weird way, listening to Lady Gaga is a very real form of self-acceptance. No I am not rationalizing. I really meant that in a completely unironic way (thank you Chuck Klosterman).

Kings of Leon? If you don’t know me, they make sense. If you do, then you would understand that they are in that perfect range of cliché-cool that I avoid. Lady Gaga is so pop that no one would confuse my love of her with an attempt to be cool. Kings of Leon is the type of band that people with no musical taste can latch on to. I may never be cool, but I try very hard not to look like someone who is trying to be cool. Kings of Leon is also the type of band that people with amazing musical taste will dismiss out of hand because of the aforementioned reasons. They are very ‘hate-able’. Being that I am not a music snob, but at times can be found is such circles, I try to avoid hate-able bands, lest I be marginalized to the point that I am crying in the corner trying to explain the significance of “Kid A” relative to other rock bands who could never escape their previous success. Bottom line: I just really, really like “Only By the Night” that much, and that’s that. And it works great for my morning.

Funny enough, this blog was supposed to be about Michael Buble. In fact, that is why I am not changing the title of this one. I don’t write blogs, they write me. What’s the significance of Buble (other than his entirely odd inclusion into my morning music of course)? Well, the point of my morning music is that I like to getthrough an entire album. I am an album guy in general. When I listen to albums I often skip the radio songs I am tired of. Occasionally I’ll give Lady Gaga’s ‘Paparazzi’ a double spin if I am particularly in the mood, but I rarely ever repeat songs. Except with “Call me Irresponsible”. Track 6 is a song called “Lost” and every time I get to that I repeat it over and over and over again. Just this morning I listened to it 6 times in a row. Needless to say I rarely finish the album by the time I get to work.

You would think that after some 100+ listens I would know the song backwards and forwards. Fact is, I don’t actually know what it means. I am sure it is entirely simplistic lyrically. I just love each individual part; I never put the whole song together into a complete thought. That, and when I listen, I don’t know if I am the singer or the listener. The first verse is obviously about a break-up of some sort, and the chorus is most certainly about being together. In fact, Buble is quite clear that, ‘baby you’re not lost’ throughout the entire song.

I think it is his confidence that gets me. He is quite certain that everything is going to be OK. Certain enough that he can most assuredly convince another individual that he is so put together, than she has nothing to worry about. In fact, not only can he say that she is not lost (presumably as long as he is around), but in the unlikely event she does get lost, ‘then we’ll get lost together’. Even being lost is reassuring. And that’s why I don’t exactly know what the entire song is about. By the second verse I completely distracted by my own thoughts and I am so inspired by his confidence that I’m not even sure he wants to get back together. For all I know he is just letting her know what she is missing and he is just a huge tool.

And as he whispers his final ‘so baby you’re not looooost’ ba-da-di-da-da…I hit repeat to try and figure it out this time. And I never do. So I decided today that I would write about it. And it took me almost 2,000 words, just to not make a point. Funny thing is, I wrote a different blog on Saturday, and decided I would wait to post it because I didn’t know exactly where it was going. Figured I’d just throw up a short-quick one to get the week started. I’m so lost.

A Moment of Truth

2009-06-19T13:51:00.000-07:00

A famous monk once said, "I don't always know what the right thing to do is, my Lord, but I think that the fact that I want to please you, pleases you."

Maybe I am over-simplifying things, but that statement really resonates with me. You know those times when someone perfectly articulates something that has been percolating in your brain for some time? This is one of those times. I have talked around this issue for the past few months, not ever knowing exactly what I was trying to say. Can it really be so simple?

If the last 30 years of my life have been a crazy journey; and the past decade a wild, flying-by-the-seat-of-my-pants ride; then the past 12 months have been “let’s hop in the car and just go; all I need is a map”. It’s been a little random, and a lot of fun, but I have an idea of where I am headed, and I am not going back. I’ve always known the map was there, but I was too afraid, and too stubborn to trust it completely. As long as I didn’t depend on the map, I could only be held so responsible for the roads I ended up on. I needed to try it on my own.

Well I need God. Plain and simple. I am in the midst of the longest depression-free streak of my post-adolescent life, and I do not think it is a coincidence that my dependence on my own abilities has taken a backseat to following the peace of God. For you atheists out there, I am perfectly content to say that I am an unenlightened individual with inferior genetic material, which requires the invention of a god to release the brain chemicals necessary for my sanity. Theological debate is not what this is about. This is about my happiness. I am happy. I don’t remember the last time I was unhappy.

So where does that quote fit in you ask? Well, I am trying to figure out God. Is He simple or complicated? Is the Bible a common man’s book, or a scholarly puzzle that the world’s greatest minds cannot crack? OK, those are the grand questions. What about the easy ones?

What are we supposed to pursue? Happiness? Wealth? Power? Success?

In church they say give and be blessed. They say treat others well and you will be treated well. No matter what, always have a good attitude. It really boils down to, ‘if you do what we say and follow the right path, you will have a good life’. One can only assume that having a good life is being happy. (Don’t want to digress into church-bash either. I know, you know, we all know. I am digging at something fresh and new today).

God made me. God made me to take care of my own interests. Also, I know the world as a whole (and me in it) are better if we all pitch on some things. If I steal your shit, and you steal my shit, we waste a lot of times and energy trying to protect our shit. So we agree to not steal. Social contracts. You get the point. So morality, if you will, is still self-serving. It is good for me to be moral, because if everyone is morale my life is better than if no one is moral. (Again, we all know how game theories works, those who take advantage of other playing can win, but let’s keep this simple).

So what’s my point? My point is God made me. God made me to live for a higher purpose, but also to work to achieve happiness, joy, peace, love, etc in this life. Selfishness gone too far leads to unhappiness. But to pretend that my own self-interests are irrelevant is hopelessly naïve.

Drink too much. Get a hangover. Sleep with your bff’s gf. Destroy your liver. Die alone.

Go out with your friends after work. Advance your career. Increase your social circle. Enhance your life.

Balance right? Of course, we get that. Easy stuff. But maybe everything isn’t so complex as we make it. Maybe things are that simple. Maybe life is about achieving balance (since achieving perfection is unrealistic). And maybe we have missed something. In all that guilt and judgment, did we subconsciously decide that happiness is not the goal? Are we chasing something that is unattainable, even if we could define it?

So I postulate this: live to maximize happiness. Short, medium and long-term. Short-term happiness cannot replace long-term happiness. That is balance part. Extreme example: hedonism is unsustainable. For me at least. I hate guilt. I have lived my life to eradicate guilt. Conversely, you can't kill yourself your whole life to make something of yourself one day. You gotta enjoy the ride. So no destroying yourself in the short-term for the long-term pay-off either. Balance.

God made me. He has to take some responsibility for that. Why would he make me in such a way that my primary functions and motivations are self-serving? And if His plan for my life is that I deny every natural impulse I have in order to somehow prove my love for Him, then He should have explained it better.

There is a larger point that I wanted to get into but I am out of time. Technology, innovation, creativity. God made us that way. There must be a lot of good in there. Maybe I’ll get to Part II some other time, but I wanted to mention it as least so you can further understand the God’s design part. If God’s plan was ‘the simple life’ why give us the desire to expand?

So God, you know I love You. And I am trying really hard to figure out what it is that you want from me. I am really happy, and I know that is because you allowed me to fail a million times and still love me no matter what. And I know that I am lazy, and maybe I am just looking for the easy way out. But just hear me out. Maybe I am totally wrong, but you know me. I have to try and figure You out as impossible as that is. Can you just accept that I want to please you? Cause that would be great. Thanks. You rock.

(p.s. Thanks for giving me peace whenever I need it. It feels good to want to live).

You're Only as Strong as This Week's Links

2009-06-19T11:30:00.000-07:00

Stuff I read this week that I would want someone to send me if I had not found on my own:

The awesomeness of Albert Pujols:
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/columns/story?columnist=kurkjian_tim&id=4271518.

Music and matters of the heart:
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/thelife/news/story?id=4222398

Intellectual stimulation:
http://www.gladwell.com/2009/2009_05_11_a_david.html

Is this really happening? N Korean-US clash
http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2009/06/19/military-set-intercept-north-korean-ship-suspected-proliferatin-missiles-nukes/

My Letter of Recommendation from Rach:

2009-06-14T14:48:00.000-07:00

I saw Rach this weekend, and I remembered the letter I made her write because no one believed my story on how we ended. A few of you have read it, but for the rest of you here it is. While it is true that I knew it was not going to work out, and talked to most of you about that, here is proof that I actually tried, and I was not the first one to bail. She is way happy now that she is dating someone she actually likes, and I am way happy NOT dating someone that I could not have romantic feelings towards. So HA, I was right, and I am not a serial-runner, or game-player, or only-in-it-for-the-chase. Any girl that bails on Kai's birthday party has no room for me, and I think that is a perfectly valid reason to have 'the talk'. So here it is, the ex-gf recommendation letter:

"Dear Jessie, Sam, Noelle, Josh, Summer, Em, Dave? Kevin? I'm not sure which of Paul's friends are giving him a hard time about our recent breakup. I'm guessing Aaron is celebrating. :)

Anyway, I will be surprised if Paul actually sends this to anyone, but glad if he does. Paul is a great guy as we all know, and did nothing wrong in our relationship, so therefore deserves to have the record set straight. My guess is that some may think Paul sabotaged the relationship, maybe because he got scared of getting too close, or that things started getting hard, so he bailed, or that he just didn't put forth an effort to pursue me. But, I am writing to say that none of those things are true. Paul was a great boyfriend. He was patient, understanding, and most definitely pursued me through my walled and maze-like heart. So why would I break up with him? I asked myself that for a while since we got along well had fun together etc etc.

At the end of the day though, something just didn't sit well with me...maybe I'm still just too restless and want to save the world and move overseas...maybe I have "issues"....maybe we're just two great individuals who were okay matches but not ideal. Whatever the case, I have no regrets. I'm proud of Paul and grateful for his efforts to face his fears or "commitment issues" (or whatever you want to call them) as we did grow closer together; he was patient with me as I also worked through my junk as well. He made me feel special, cared for, and appreciated. Paul did everything he was capable of. I'm grateful he didn't put on a show and try to win me over by trying to be someone he thought I would want or anything of that nature. He was always honest and true to himself and for that I am very grateful. I want to thank all of you for being so great to me while I was around. I truly did enjoy the time spent with and getting to know you, and am glad Paul has such quality friends.

Please take care of and encourage him. So in closing Paul was a stellar boyfriend; blame our relationship's end on me. I would write a letter of recommendation for him to future girls! I only hope he continues to choose girls that are actually interesting to him that he likes...and are near his own age! ;)

Thanks for listening...and remember...blame me , not him! :)

Rachel"

Single and 30

2009-04-02T09:42:00.000-07:00

Taken from one of my favorite writer's (Bill Simmons) in response to a question from a reader:

Q: Why can't Hollywood make a movie about a guy who doesn't get married, keeps his friends, loves life, dates hot girls up until they get crazy. But also show his old college roommate married with kids, a nagging wife, a crap job he can't quit because of the kids and mortgage. This should be made and mandatory viewing for any single male by the time he hits 18. At least he would have a fighting chance. If you have a great marriage awesome. But I would tell you that nine of 10 married guys I know are in the old college roommate state of life right now. Good luck all you engaged men. (Suckers.)-- Gabe B., Waterloo, Iowa

SG: And that wraps up this month's installment for "Fellas, Don't Get Married!" By the way, I'd like to give a special shout-out to my buddy Sully, who's already trained his two young sons to answer the questions "How old will you be before you can think about getting married?" and "Where are you going to college?" with the answers "35" and "South or West." Now that's great parenting.

Not being cynical or cold. Seriously. I am an analytical guy. I like numbers and data. Don't hate me, I just look at the numbers. I will be wearing a tux and beaming proudly a couple more times this summer, and I am really happy for those folks. This is not about you. Get married and be happy. It happens, and I hope it happens to you. If you don't know who 'SG' is then we probably are not good enough friends, but he is Bill Simmons, one of my favorite writers, and he is married with 2 kids.

Marriage is great as long as you don't have a crappy one. I have experience a great deal of personal growth the last decade. Some people have no business getting married in their 20s. I am that someone.

Note: The following was added latter in response to outside opinion:

I read the above quote yesterday and it stuck with me, and there is some truth there. In no way am I against marriage. Some people are better married. I probably will be too someday. I am just very happy to have made it to 30 still single. And in some way that quote validated me in that. Another thing about my note is I love the movies, and I love romantic movies, and I have dreams in my head about being swept away and a life that is like the movies…but movies are not real life, so part of what resonated with me was the movie stuff…I can’t live my life with movie expectations.

To my young, single friends: Be young. Enjoy it. Worry less. There will always be women. If you find someone you can’t imagine your life without, wait until you are 30 and then marry her. One day I hope you look back on your 20s with a smile. I don’t feel old, I feel 30, and I like how it feels.

I guess there was some truth in there. Maybe it makes the un-married among us feel better as well. At the core of my hesitation is statistics. A 50% divorce rate. Of those that ARE married, a great many are unhappy. There is nothing about my personality or experience with women that suggests I am a trend breaker. If anything I am flawed, selfish and would have been labeled 'high-risk' as a marriage candidate at 22. But maybe, its simply a negative by-product of progress? Life is very different now than 100 years ago. We don't work on farms all day and die ay 50. Simple life probably leads to easier marriage.

I was a fast mover and I was 25 before I finished grad school. Then I started a couple of companies. Made money, lost money. Lived on my own at 18, lived with my parents at 28. I have lived in a dozen different places the last decade. It took me to 30 to figure out what I want out of life.

Toaster Tales Chapter 2: The Three Toast Breakfast

2008-07-07T09:24:00.000-07:00

I have been making my own breakfast since I was eight years old. Back then it was very simple: Oatmeal w honey & milk and two pieces of toast. Not the instant kind mind you, good ol' bowling water and Quaker Oats. I knew how I liked it, I knew how to make it, and I liked the independence of it all. My mother had my two younger siblings to tend to so I ate alone. Every day. I loved it.

20 years later, breakfast is still the best part of my day, and I still eat alone. Just me and my newspaper. For 30 minutes I live in the moment; in the present tense. I am at peace. The rest of the day, I will stress over the future, relive the past, and overanalyze every angle of every action, thought, feeling or emotion I experience throughout out the day. Mentally exhausted I will pass out sometime after 10. But by morning I will be ready to face another day. Right after breakfast.

So what got me thinking about the past 20 years of making breakfast? Today I made eggs. Nothing unusual there. But as I pushed down the toaster on my two pieces of bread I started to think. 'I hate how I always run out of toast before I finish my eggs.' Then I asked myself the question I had never thought to ask: 'Why can't I make three pieces of toast?' The obvious answer is of course, I can. But in 20 years I had never thought to ask that question. I even have a four piece toaster. So I threw in another piece of bread and enjoyed the first three toast breakfast of my life. It was as satisfactory a moment as I can remember. I spent the rest of my morning content.

Is life as simple as figuring out what you want and doing is? Can I just not care how it's been done before, or what other people do or think? Can fear or indifference turn the simple into the radical?

I am always good for questions, and so rarely good with an answer, but I can tell you this: You can learn a lot from a toaster if you just listen for a minute.

Under the Weather

2008-05-29T09:21:00.000-07:00

Twenty years ago, I met a local news weatherman. I even received a signed photograph. I mean this guy was on TV every day. In my ten year old brain, I had just had tea with the queen of England. Not only that, I knew that signed picture was worth money. I still have that thing hidden away.

An optimist will read this and think about how cute and sweet and naive I was at that time. So full of hope and positivity. The pessimist will realize what and absolute idiot I was as a kid. I mean, I didn't understand that there were like 12 or 13 billion local weathermen in the US alone at that time?

I agree with the pessimist. That kid is stupid.

Bottom line, I think my life has only been more and more disappointing since that day. That was the day the crack in my hope began, and I fear that someday the dam will burst and all of the townspeople will drown. I always imagined that drowning would be a crappy way to die. I hate holding my breath. If you know me well, you know that I am the king of the 'life is great' speech. Well not today kids. We aren't ten anymore. Life is one big series of disappointments and failures, and the more you get the more you have to lose.

Last week I was sick for 8 straight days. I lost something that week. I am different on the other side, and I don't think I like this guy. He is very much alone. I think I am going to sell all of my possessions, and move to Zimbabwe. Well, all of my possessions except that photo. That's gonna be worth something someday.

Bands as NBA Players: Part V

2008-04-09T09:05:00.000-07:00

Coldplay is Kobe Bryant*

The year was 2000. I was no longer a kid. The soundtrack of my youth had included 'With or Without You' (U2) as child who barely understood the meaning, 'Wonderwall' (Oasis) as a naïve 16 year old, and 'Karma Police' (Radiohead) as an 18-year old punk who thought he had all the answers. The signature songs from the groundbreaking albums from the best bands of my lifetime.

But this was the new millennium. I had just turned 21 and I was heading into my last year of college. The song was 'Yellow'. Everyone knew it, and everyone had heard it. You couldn’t get away from it. It took me a while to even remember who the artist was. In fact, remember when Gwyneth Paltrow started dating Chris Martin? I think I actually called him the "Yellow Guy" at that time. Of course the more musically astute at that time had the foresight to realize that Coldplay was a legit force in the industry. "Parachutes" is a great album. It just took a while for me to figure that out. And I wasn’t alone. Although it has since gone double platinum in the US, it only peaked at 51 on the charts. The 2000’s was a new era. I already had my rock stars. No one would ever be better than U2 so why try? No one could be as huge as Oasis was in ’96, and Radiohead was Radiohead and there would never be another. We were a generation of haters and skeptics now. If you were popular you had sold out, and if your song was on the radio you were a marketing ploy.

Then came "A Rush of Blood to the Head". Maybe I was wrong.

Kobe Bryant is the best basketball player on the planet. You don’t like how that sounds do you? Well I don’t know how or when it happened, but it’s true. You know it and I know it. You’re right, he’s no Jordan. Jordan is retired. You’re right, he’s no Shaq. Shaq was a freak of nature and it’s over now. I know you like Iverson. He’s one of you; blue collar and squeezing the most out of what he has. Kobe is privileged, and lucky and coddled. I know.

One day I just accepted Jordan was gone, and I looked around, and there he was. Kobe Bryant was just the best. Maybe he hasn’t earned it or deserved it. Give him time.

'In My Place' is an amazing song. I have listened to it a thousand times. I never wanted to be a Coldplay fan. In fact I was so late to the party I almost missed it, but I glad I didn’t. This song and the band’s second album made me go back and appreciate the first. By the time "X&Y" was released in 2005, I waited in eager anticipation, and we had a legit rock band with three multi-platinum hits. Coldplay had dodged the critics who accused them of trying to be Radiohead; they had ignored those who said they could never top Oasis, and as blasphemous as it is to say, we have a band for those looking for the next U2. Of course they are not, but it’s always fun to look. And while 'Yellow' was a massive hit, the band’s best may be yet to come. Hey you never know.

Kobe Bryant has three championship rings. Ironically, his claim to supremacy may not be stronger than the ’07-’08 season. Now in his prime with a strong supporting cast, pundits are finally admitting that he is the player you most want in the clutch. He is your first choice if you are in a must-win game, and there is no doubt you want the ball in his hands taking the last shot. Nobody wants to play against him that’s for sure, and this year could be his defining moment. His chance to stake his claim, to shake out of the shadow of Shaq, to prove his detractors wrong, and to take his rightful place as the best player of his era.

Maybe there will never be another Jordan, but Kobe has a chance to go down in history as the best to a generation of fans. On June 17, 2008, Coldplay will release their fourth album "Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends". If I have my druthers, Kobe Bryant will be carrying the Lakers to another title days later. So don’t be a hater. How often do you get a chance to see the best band and the best basketball player of the new millennium at the peak of their success at the same time? Who knows, maybe in 20 year we will be talking about the next Coldplay, and the next Kobe.

- Paul Phipps

* This is Part V in a series of columns by Paul Phipps. If you missed Parts I-IV, check it out in our blog section.

Bands as NBA Players: Part IV

2008-04-08T08:47:00.000-07:00

Oasis is Shaquille O’Neal*

Dominance. When I first thought of Oasis, I couldn’t help but to recall when they first burst onto the music scene, and it felt like they would be on the radio every other song. But unlike so much overplayed music, they never got old. No matter how many times I heard 'Wonderwall' or 'Champaign Supernova', I didn’t change the station. Oasis was great and that’s just how it was.

The most dominate NBA player of my lifetime was a player I loved to hate. Shaq was a force, and in the post-Jordan era he would not be denied. Brute strength and over-powering post play was his forte’. He was unstoppable and that’s just how it was. Dominant.

And like Oasis, Shaq was unmatched at his peak and continues to maintain his relevance even after his best years are behind him. Musically, the early 90’s will inevitably be remembered for the grunge movement. Bands like Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, and Alice in Chains channeled teenage angst into mainstream success. Grunge gave Generation-X an anti-establishment sound that ran away from pop music as fast as their flannel shirts would let them. The fun and excess of the 80’s was over. Bleak music was king. Rolling Stone playfully referred to Seattle as "the new Liverpool," an ironic reference to the British city that played a large role in the UK’s pop music culture.

While Seattle was telling the whole world how dark things were, there was a 15-year old kid in Virginia Beach that tried to sing along to Smells Like Teen Spirit but didn’t really have that much to be pissed off about. Thankfully for me, 30 miles from Liverpool there was a little band in Manchester proclaiming "You and I are gonna live forever." For me, Oasis lived up to their name, and apparently I wasn’t the only one as "Definitely Maybe" became the fastest selling debut album in UK history (at the time), and went platinum in the US.

Pop music was far from dying, and Oasis set out to prove that it never would. When Jordan retired from the Bulls for the last time, it left a cloud over the NBA. The year after his retirement a lock-out delayed the start of the season and the future of the game was in doubt. Then Shaquille O’Neal proved one of the age-old adages of the NBA – you can always win with a dominant big man. Maybe Jordan had proven that scorers could lead dynasties, but Shaq would remind us all, thanks to three straight Championships, that the demand for an unstoppable center will never die. Shaq became the face of the NBA and helped guide the league through the post-Jordan years. By the time he won his fourth championship, his legacy was sealed.

If "Definitely Maybe" was the fresh-faced Shaquille that led the Magic to the finals and endeared himself to a new generation of fans, "(What’s the Story) Morning Glory?" was the Laker years. The album is the third biggest-selling album in UK history; it went 4-x platinum in the U.S. and sold over 18 million copies worldwide. And it wasn’t just the record sales, regular radio play continued years after the album’s initial release. Oasis were the Britpop Kings, and American kids like me couldn’t get enough. The band played before packed arenas around the world, most famously Knebworth House in 1996 where they played back-to-back nights in front of a total of 375,000 people. Even more impressive was the 2.5 million people that applied for tickets.

In 2005, "Don’t Believe the Truth" became the band’s sixth album, and like the previous five albums, it entered the UK charts at 1. It also contained two more 1 hits. Maybe there were no 15-year old kids singing along to 'Don’t Look Back in Anger', but Oasis proved they still had plenty left in the tank.

The following summer, the Miami Heat raised a championship banner to the rafters, in large part thanks to the big fella. The Lakers had to choose between Shaq and Kobe, and choose the younger, hungrier, more talented player. Shaq proved he could still dominate, and added another ring to his collection.

In the Summer of 2005, Coldplay rolled into my hometown having just released their third album, "X&Y" (the top selling album of that year). They were the hot ticket in town and all of my little brother’s friends were going to that show. I would have been there, except for one little thing. I was in another state, four hours away with a slightly older crowd. Oasis played before 18,000 strong and we sang every word of every song. I chose a four hour drive and Oasis, over a 10 minutes jaunt to Coldplay. There was time for Coldplay later. I couldn’t pass up a chance to listen to the soundtrack of my youth. Oasis, like Shaq, was just that dominant.

Speaking of, I leave you with this, tune in next week for the next band: Coldplay is Kobe Bryant.

- Paul Phipps

Next Week: Part V

* This is Part IV in a series of columns by Paul Phipps. If you missed Parts I-III, check it out in our blog section.

Bands as NBA Players: Part III

2008-04-03T08:40:00.000-07:00

U2 is Michael Jordan

OK, OK. Calm down.

I know some of you just lost your minds. This is a good time to clarify the rules of this little game. Most importantly the bands are all from my lifetime; no Beatles, no Zeppelin, no Stones.

Point 2: It’s as much about the popularity, success, and social impact, as it is the quality of the music. And you know what? This is how they ’feel’ in my twisted brain; my game, my rules. Let’s remember how this whole thing got started. I needed a way to place the Chili Peppers in my mind. They are Karl Malone to me. You can argue Malone is better than Iverson, and I agree that Radiohead is better than the Peppers. The comparisons I made are based on all the factors I discussed in Parts I and II. Less important is who is better.

We can argue about that anytime. Lastly, almost by the definition of the game, the bands will be a little older than the players because a band takes a few albums to become established. Even Radiohead, who had a massive single on their first album, didn’t make it huge until "OK Computer", two albums and four years later. To a lesser extent NBA players can flame out, but we were pretty sure what we were going to get out of Malone and Iverson three years into their careers (Malone’s year three per game averages of 27.7 points / 12.0 rebounds were higher than his hall of fame career averages. Iverson averaged 23.5 ppg and 7.5 assists as a rookie and only got better). The Chili Peppers were formed in 1983, lost two members in ’88, and it wasn’t until ’91 that they released "Blood Sugar Sex Magik".**

Now that I wasted half of today’s column on the rules (just ask my ex-girlfriends; my need to be understood is insufferable), let’s get to U2 and Jordan. If you understand my explanation above this one is really as clear cut as any on the list: The best band and the best player. U2 fans will have no problem with this; non-fans and Jordan lovers may feel His Airness is being undersold. While U2 may not be the best band of all-time, their body of work, longevity, relevance, and success makes them one of the best ever, and certainly the best band of my lifetime. Simply put, U2 is Michael Jordan.

One cool thing about U2 is they were a huge success early. Their first album "Boy" (released in 1980) saw international release, a hit single (in the UK) and a European and United States tour. By their third album, "War" (’83), they had such hits as "Sunday Bloody Sunday," and "New Year’s Day." They were socially relevant as well, (again, celebrities and politics is another column, but you get my point. They were becoming larger than life). Why do I mention all this? Because in 1987 they made music history. Two words: "Joshua Tree". This is the album that gives them Jordan status. Two Grammys, two 1 singles (as well as a third that hit 13), 10+ million in US sales, and the cover of Time magazine. The "Joshua Tree" tour saw U2 playing in sold-out arenas around the world.

I’ll spare you the history lesson, but by 2000’s "All That You Can’t Leave Behind" (4+ million sales, featuring most-notably "Beautiful Day"), U2 had put out historic albums in 3 different decades.*** The nature of music includes tours, writing sessions, and the inevitable over-reaction to not living up to past success (see: Radiohead post-"OK Computer"). As such, bands cannot sustain success, or ’dominate the sport’ in the same way as a basketball player. But while every other band from the 80’s was drifting into oblivion, U2 immerged as a tour de force.

They are the band I will remember as the soundtrack of my youth. My kids will think of them as "classic" rock and I will feel old; just like the Beatles and Stones do for my parents. In fact, many wonder if the next U2 is even possible; in today’s musical landscape, can one band span THREE decades ever again? And that, dear readers is dominance in as clear as it can be attained by a band. U2 is not my favorite band, I never had their posters on my wall. And for most of his career, I cheered against 23. And that is the common thread: You didn’t have to love them to recognize the greatness. And as the careers climaxed and descended, you had to respect the legacy and we can’t help but look for the ’next MJ’ and the next U2. We may never see either again. Perhaps as a nod to his greatness, I will not even waste column space or your time to describe the impact Jordan had on the game, it’s history, and our culture other than to say this: like him or not, anyone who ever saw him play will tell that story to their kids; even if it was as a shadow of his former self in a sacrilegious Wizards uni.A nd when U2 rolls through your town, you better pay whatever you have to just to stand a half mile from the stage. You just can’t pass up a shot to see the greatest rock band of my lifetime.

It may never happen again.

- Paul Phipps

Next Week: Part IV

* This is Part III in a series of columns by Paul Phipps. If you missed Parts I-II, check it out in our blog section.
** Blood Sugar Sex Magik was the band’s 5th album and first smash hit. The bands 4th album, Mother’s Milk was the first to go gold but peaked at 52 on the charts.
***Achtung Baby was released in ’91 sold 8+ million records in the US. It featured 5 singles which made the Billboard Hot 100.

Bands as NBA Players: Part II

2008-04-01T08:35:00.000-07:00

Radiohead is Allen Iverson*

Unique. Controversial. Wildly popular yet somehow under-appreciated

Radiohead is my favorite band of all time. I am going to see them in Charlotte next month, and I have never been more excited about a show. When I first thought of Radiohead I wanted to put them with Jordan, Magic or Bird; a sure-fire Hall of Famer. But then I thought about my favorite player of MY lifetime. It was easy: Allen Iverson. An all-time great that was worshipped by those that loved him, and misunderstood by those who didn’t. Both Iverson and Radiohead were at the same time overrated (by critics and fans alike), yet underrated and judged by the masses.

Radiohead had one-hit wonder written all over them after "Creep" became a massive radio hit. Some of you reading this right now would know "Creep" if you heard it right now, but have no idea who Radiohead is. Their second album, "The Bends" was (mistakenly in my opinion), considered a disappointment by many. But in 1997 Radiohead put out the best album of my lifetime: "OK Computer". It was revolutionary and relevant. You could listen to it happy or listen to it sad. It propelled Radiohead into iconic status for their fans and critics around the world.

They would never put out another "normal" album. There next 2 albums ("Kid A" and "Amnesiac") were recorded together and released separately. Oh yeah, it was done without guitars. They did not make radio songs, and they didn’t care what people thought about them. They didn’t care about the money or fame, and these ’weird’ albums sold by the millions.

They released their songs on Napster so fans could get a ’feel’ for the music and it made "Kid A" a chart-topping success (remember at the time every other band was trying to get Napster shut down). Fans and critics loved them for it ("Kid A" won the Grammy for Best Alternative Album and was nominated for Album of the Year), but to this day, there are many who wonder where the boys that put out "OK Computer" have gone.

Last year they released the critically acclaimed "In Rainbows" over the Internet. My Friend Who Knows About Such Things told me they made more money on that album than all of their other albums combined (thanks to not having a label). They don’t need the radio, and they don’t need you to like them. They have been called snobby, pretentious, and arrogant. All of those things are true on some level. But to those that love them, they can do no wrong. Those that know music know they are brilliant. And there will always be those that wonder if they could have done more.

Philly fans are notoriously rude, obnoxious, and unrelenting. When Philadelphia native Kobe Bryant returned to his hometown, he was booed lustily by the town he once called home. But with Iverson, it has always been nothing but love.

Misunderstandings with management and coaches? They loved him. Missing practice but pouring his heart and soul onto the court from tip-off to the final buzzer? They loved him. He could do no wrong, and he couldn’t take a bad shot. He was applauded after every miss, and brought the crowd to their feet with every make.

Critics lauded him as the hardest worker in the NBA, the little man who got more out of his body than anyone who ever played the game. A warrior, a gamer, a show-stopper…but the masses disagreed.

He was more style than substance, too much flash and not enough results. Yeah he could score, but couldn’t anyone who hogged the ball as much? He had too many tattoos before too many tattoos were ok (or at least overlooked). His cornrows and baggy clothes made it all too easy for people to dismiss him as a thug. He never cared. He didn’t do it for you, for me, or the fans. He lived his life and played the game for himself. As long as he could sleep every night knowing he was true to what he believed; that when the game began he would put 13 teammates on his 165-pound back and will them to a win. That’s all that mattered.

His "OK Computer" moment was 2001 when he won the MVP with a 31.1 ppg average, won the All-Star game MVP in leading a completely undermanned East squad to victory, and took his rag-tag Sixers to the NBA Finals. In game one he scored 48 points to upset the defending-champion Lakers. They would go on to lose the series, but I will never forget that season.

On any given night, in any given arena, Iverson could win you a game by himself. You could not talk about the best without him. Like Malone, there are players that were more consistent, or steady, or reliable. But you can’t talk about the best NBA players without bring up Iverson, and you can’t talk about the best band of my lifetime without mentioning Radiohead.

Maybe they weren’t your favorite, but you can’t deny me Iverson’s ’01 season, and you can’t deny me the best album of my life: "OK Computer".

- Paul Phipps

Next Week: Part III

* This is Part II in a series of columns by Paul Phipps. If you missed Part I, check it out in our blog section.

Bands as NBA Players: Part I

2008-03-31T08:29:00.000-07:00

The Mailman Has Two Faces

Josh and I were driving downtown the other day and "Snow" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers comes on the radio. You know the song, "Hey Oh… Listen what I say Oh…" The next thing I know I am singing the words and having a significantly better-than-average time. "What a great song," I think to myself before remarking aloud to Josh,

"The Chili Peppers are Karl Malone."

The look on his face begged for an explanation so I continued, "Think about it. There are so many great Chili Peppers songs, but they are never a band that naturally comes to mind when I think about the greatest band of my life. In fact I don’t know anyone who says they are their favorites. But you can’t deny their greatness. Just like the Mailman. He even has his own nickname, but outside of Utah have you ever seen a Karl Malone jersey?"

This conversation dominated the rest of the night as the bands of my life became NBA players. And of course Josh has this annoying habit (he’s just like my dad in this way), of turning fun into work, so here you have it.

(Ok, first the rules. This is my list. These are bands that came to mind as I was thinking about the defining rock music of my life. All of the music and all of the players are from the modern era. I also went band first. Thought of a band and then the player. Some important players will inevitably be left of the list. Lastly a disclaimer: I am not a music guru. You are not going to get in-depth analysis; people way smarter than me do that stuff every day. A lot of the fun of this list has to do as much with the relative popularity and success of the bands as it does with the quality of their music.)

1. The Chili Peppers are Karl Malone

The Peppers have always been there, and they have always been the same. Consistently good. Solid. Steady. Always near the top, but were they ever the best at any point in their careers? Malone has a couple MVP trophies in his case, but even those are questionable. The win in ’97 is one of the sports world’s biggest ’oops’ awards. The media was tired of giving Jordan MVPs, so they went with, ’let’s give someone else a turn,’ and the nod to Malone was a more of a lifetime achievement award. It was fitting actually. And I think that’s my point. He deserved the lifetime achievement recognition. When he won it again two years later in the strike shortened ’99 season (the year after Jordan retired), I thought, "Why not him? Malone is solid." It was a perfect cap to a great career. But even with Jordan out of the way he could not deliver a title to the Jazz; it was a young Tim Duncan who emerged and led his team the first of four championships (more on him later).

When the Peppers collected their Grammy for Stadium Arcadia at last year’s Grammy’s I couldn’t say it wasn’t deserved. It was the top selling rock album of the year. I don’t remember anyone telling me I "just had to have it," but obviously people enjoyed it. As they stood there on that stage that night I thought, "Good for them. When you think about it, they have had a great run. They deserve it." And just like Malone, you’d never want to take anything away, but you don’t exactly remember a moment when they were the absolute best. But when you see a perfectly executed pick and roll you might think of Stockton and Malone, and if "Snow" comes on your radio I dare you not to sing along.

Next Week: Part II

Didn’t We Almost Have It All

2008-03-17T19:36:00.000-07:00

"Didn’t we almost have it all...when love was all we had worth giving? The ride with you was worth the fall...my friend"

Those were the words of Whitney Houston that overpowered my senses as I rode home from the bar tonight with my dear friend Josh. Two (supposedly) straight men on the verge of tears listening to Whitney.

That happened.

And by tonight, I mean like 2 minutes ago. Yes it’s 7:36 PM. I guess I should backtrack a bit:

Today we found out that our radio show had been canceled. For the second time in two years, the powers that be were threatened by our success and took the time slot we had built and sold it to some shit show for three times what it was worth. They say it was about the money. Isn’t that what they always say? Who cares? The magazine went belly up when the LM deal fell through, so now it’s over. The end of an era. Once we were media moguls (not really, but for a couple hours a week it sure felt like it). Now we are forced to examine what remains. Some dreams come to an end. Was it worth it? Did it matter? Let’s see if Whitney has an answer:

"A moment in the soul can last forever…comfort and keep us.. Help me bring the feeling back again!"

Well, if that is true than it was. I can honestly say I’d do it all over again. You can’t always win, but you can always look back at your life and say you tried. Without this experience (and Josh pushing me allthe way), I would always wonder what might have been. Maybe now it’s just a memory, but what else do we have to live for.

"Couldn’t we reach inside and find that world of me and you? .. We’ll never lose it again ’Cause once you know what love is you never let it end... Didn’t we almost have it all…when love was all we had worth giving? .. Didn’t we almost have it all?"

I totally ripped of your style buddy, but I rode your coatails as far as I could go. I love you man. Lets keep shooting for the stars

The Night We Kicked Timmy to a Super Bowl Win

2008-02-04T08:10:00.000-08:00

You can go to ESPN.com to read real commentary, but I had to document some thoughts on this game, as well as detail certain events which I want to remember when I retell the story of Super Bowl XLII. Like how we kicked Timmy to the win (more on that in a minute.) I never remember the numbers. I want to remember XLII. I never remember the location; this one was in Arizona. I watched from Sam and Noelle's living room; that is a fact I will never forget. First things first, Historical perspective: This was the best Super Bowl ever. Hands down. As a Ram's fan it is hard to be objective on two recent SBs that standout:

1) The win over the Titans that came down to the final stretch of the ball.
2) Two years later the loss to the Pats in which we were 14 point favorites, overcame a two touchdown deficit to tie the game with under a minute remaining, only to watch the Brady lead a game winning field goal drive as John Madden gave 13 reason why the Pats should NEVER try and score in this situation.

I have to throw out those two. I was too emotionally invested. And honestly, the loss stuck with me far more than the win. That led to my first ever long-term sports related depression. So my top Super Bowl had always been the Broncos over the Packers. Elway finding redemption over the defending champs, the end of the NFC dominance, and an actual decent game. Up to that point, the Super Bowl had been boring for most of my life as a sports fan.

But now there is a new number 1. Super Bowl XLII: Giants 17-Patriots 14. Ten random reasons why:

1. The Pats undefeated season is ruined. In this era, I never thought 19-0 was possible. Then I was sure this team would do it. The 18-1 chants were awesome after the game.
2. The game itself was amazing. I was into every single play. The game was just flat out enjoyable to watch. To ignore the subplots is impossible, but if you could, the game would have still have been the best played game of this season. Just a great performance by two great teams.
3. The boxing analogy: I would have taken the decision, but there is nothing better than a challenger knowing he is going to lose unless he can deliver the knock-out blow. (Giants in it all game = possible decision. Pats drive down to take the lead with under 3:00 left = late round knockdown makes decision win impossible. Manning crazy scramble and wild catch = "He's cut! The champion is cut!" Manning to Plax = "And the champ is down! I don't think he's getting up!" Brady gets rocked with 20 secs left = "7, 8, 9" Final desperate 4th down flail = "10!!! It's over, the Challenger has shocked the world!!!")
4. I hate Boston. So much that watching a NY team beat them brought me to ecstasy. (The definition of necessary evil). That just felt good. I worry that hate may be stronger than love, but the '06 World Series win still beat this feeling. Barely.
5. The Legend of Eli. When the Pats scored to go ahead, the real sports fan in me was glad. I wanted epic. More than just the Pats losing, I wanted a new champion to emerge. This was our chance to watch a star being born. No matter how it happened, 15 years from now, I will always remember the Pats losing, but what if this is the moment that launches Eli into the ranks of the immortal? Maybe it won't, but it could. Either way there is not a soul on this planet that takes Philip Rivers over Eli right now. And that was a legitimate question 8 weeks ago.
6. The Giants were better than the Pats. I like what Steve Young said after the game. If you ignore everything else and just look at January forward, the Giants are better. They knocked of a great Cowboys team in Dallas, a great Packer team in Lambough, and possibly the best team ever on a warm day with perfect conditions. They got to Brady. And they drove down the field to win. No excuses. The Giants prepared better, played better, and won. Fair and square.
7. Plax. Backed up his pre-game talk. When he predicted a 23-17 win, they scoffed at the 17. Brady even laughed. They scored 14.
8. Week 17. The Colts, Cowboys, and Bucs all mailed it in on week 17. They never won again. The Giants played their guts out and gave the fans the best game of the NFL regular season in a 'meaningless game.' They never lost again.
9. The Manning brothers are now officially the bane of Tom Brady's existence. Take them away and Brady has five rings this decade, and more on the way. Loved seeing Peyton at the game cheering on his little brother. Great theater.
10. Good triumphed over evil. For the first time in my life I was in a room with more than ten people from all walks of life and EVERY person was cheering for the same team. It was mostly Skins fans (even more reason to cheer against the Giants), a Raiders fan, a Colts fan, a couple Rams fans, and random women who were all having a great time watching this amazing game.

That last point leads me to the Timmy story. Somewhere in the 3rd quarter something good happened and Timmy was sitting on the floor so I gave him a tap with my foot. Like a high five but I was too lazy to bend over and give it for real. Then another good play. I was onto something. Every time something good happened, I would give him a kick. It started to catch on. By the time Eli hit Boss for that big gainer, the whole room was swarming him with kicks. The subsequent touchdown probably caused internal bleeding*. Then the Pats looked like the Pats again. As they drove down the field with ease, Timmy was safe. But Eli still had time. And when he pulled off the miracle escape and throw and helmet catch; well let's just say I think our kicking had more than a little to do with that magic. I am not an overly-superstitious man, but strap me to a lie detector and ask me if we kicked Timmy to a Super Bowl win? The answer is.......Yes.

And the answer to the best Super Bowl ever is XLII. Could not have asked for more. This is why we watch.

*Timmy is fine. He is a big guy that could have taken all of us had he wanted, but he was a great sport. And he secretly knew that we were keeping the Giants alive. Anything for a win

Change for a Dollar? - Part II

2008-01-28T08:04:00.000-08:00

This is not a film review, just more questions.

I know I was late to the party, but after passing up several chances to see 'Juno' when it was first out, I just decided I was going. I was bored on a Sunday for the first time in months, and my group-text (I just figured out how to do that, so I'm addicted) yeilded one taker. Thanks Dave.

SPOILER ALERT: Good movie. Worth seeing. Better if you don't know what happens.

As I said, this is not a review. So here is my question. The whole movie, Juno avoids the other kid (George Michael from Arrested Developement...too lazy to look up his name). Then her dad gives her the big speech about finding someone who accepts you for you no matter what, flaws and all. That's the key to happiness. And he's so right. It fits perfectly with the movie, and I walk out saying, "Yes. That's it. I am very flawed. I should find some that accepts my flaws and still loves me for me."

But, (if you have ever talked to me or read me before, you had to know there was a but coming), I couldn't help but recall one of my favorite films the moment this scene was unfolding. In 'As Good as it Gets,' Jack Nicholson's character gets a girl he pretty much obbsessed about and should never be able to land with the old, "You make me want to be a better man," line. He made himself better to land a chick. Aim high, be willing to change, get a better girl than you deserve.

So which is it? Option A sounds a lot like settling. Option B sounds a lot like changing who you are for someone else. Don't all our friends always say don't settle, AND don't change who you are for someone else? Maybe our friends don't know what the heck they are talking about. All I know is in both movies, life was far less than ideal (pregnant kid, single mom w sick kid, OCD guy), but everyone ended up happy and there was good music when the credits started to roll. But it's one or the other. We find someone who accepts us no matter what, or we change to land a better someone. Which is it?

Today I Argued w a Toaster

2008-01-06T08:00:00.000-08:00

It takes my toaster 1.83 'toasts' to make an ego. So I put in my waffles and click the lever. It pops up and I do it again. I go grab my plate and syrup and try to catch the waffles before they burn.

Today, after I heard the dreaded 2nd pop, I told my toaster, "That was too quick, I made it in time. Those waffles are NOT burnt." Well, the burnt waffle in my mouth begs to differ. So, to all my friends out there that think I talk to much and argue too loud, you are right. Just know that today, I lost an argument with a toaster. The lesson? I can think I am right all day long, but that doesn't unburn the ego.

Change for a Dollar?

2007-11-28T07:48:00.000-08:00

Nobody's perfect right? So it makes sense that we need to grow, and that growth means change. But we always say things like "you can't change me," or "this is how I am." So do we change? Most importantly SHOULD we change.What if I like myself? What if how I am now makes me happy? But I guess if I am truly happy I wouldn't be asking these questions. But I like being different. I like carving my own path through the world. I think my life is good specifically because I do things my way.But what if my way leaves me alone? Is it worth it? Lastly, what does it mean to change? Can I just decide one day to NOT be selfish? If being a narcicist means that I react to the world based on how it affects me, then how can I change that? As a rational person, am I not required to have my own interest at heart?

If was as simple as 'when you find it you will want to change' then the world wouldn't be so misserable. I'm not 12 anymore. It's not that simple. That's why the movies end with a kiss at sunset. That's the easy part. The best movies end badly. Then the love is real but life doesn't ruin it. Bottom line: life is good. But what makes it good is hard to figure out. That's why I like to ask questions. Not for the answers, because they don't exist. There are only questions.

I'll sign off with the end of my film: "Oh yes you will. And you'll have it better; you are young and beautiful. Love was made for the young and beautiful. What I like is that I know you will remember me fondly. But you will have better, and when you think about me you will smile. And that's good enough for me." Roll credits...

Contentment

2007-07-17T07:46:00.000-07:00

Friday is spent with people I love...good times. The kind of times that don't happen enough when I'm in a relationship. The people who never disappoint, and love me for who I am. MY peeps. Old stories, new jokes; we laugh a lot. They have wives, I have my brother. Its all good. But the night ends alone.

Saturday is the best and worst of the single life...complete freedom and the realization that most of the 3 billion women that you tell yourself are 'out there' are boring or slutty. Being 'out,' and doing what single people do only serves to remind me that as much fun as this is, I have no interest in spending significant parts of my life in this 'scene.' It's too empty at the end of it all.

Sunday only continues the contrast as I roll off the random couch I ended up on, and into a Starbucks for a pre-church coffee. A sundress catches my eye behind me; the dress might be new, but the wearer is not. What are the odds? How do these things happen?

Sad is Good

2007-07-08T07:45:00.000-07:00

I am a fan of experiencing human emotions. Sadness is one of those. Being depressed sucks; I avoid it and would not recommend it. But a good clean sad moment/day can be very therapeutic. It makes me feel alive in a very unique way.

Don't avoid sadness; it's a part of your humanity.Some days we laugh, some days we cry...either way, live and experience this maddening and thrilling thing called life.

Last OC Blog

2006-02-03T07:38:00.000-08:00

June, 2009 Note: I wanted to include my last OC blog for old time’s sake. A special shout-out to all my loyal readers and followers from the old days. One of my worst recaps; it feels very forced and rushed, but I thought it was funny to see my blogging just stop mid-season. 2006, what a crazy year.

OC Season 3, Episode 14, Review

We are back on track. The O.C. is drama-filled, and the death toll may be rising. Johnny's short run may be over, as Marisa's naivety and narcissism claims another victim. I was calling for the leap all night, and he took the plunge. Apparently Marisa, Tequila, and a rocky cliff is a bad combo. For those of us (myself included), who rolled our eyes at Oliver comparisons this season, we were wrong. Maybe not as crazy, but during the final scene when Ryan is talking him down, my mind was replaying the hotel scene from season 1 in parallel. Marisa strikes again!

Have you ever had a bf/gf that kinda sucked or pissed you off, but you forgave them? Things got better for a while, and you even thought everything might be better or different or at least OK? Then they do something stupid and ALL those old memories come back and you realize that its just never gonna work. That is Season 3 Marisa. She grew on me, I trusted her, and I was really giving her a chance. Then she got gay about the Johnny stuff, and all I can think about is Season 2 Marisa who I hated. So all the good progress she made this season is for naught. She just sucks, and I found myself, openly cheering for Ryan to give her the boot.

Ryan has began to progress, and I just don't think he needs her anymore. She is a pain, and she has ZERO self-awareness. She stumbles through life in a reactionary manner, and I hate people like that. She makes no attempt to better herself and seems content to play the victim of her own story. We know this will drag on; her self-loothing will force Ryan to be supportive even though SHE caused the drama...ugh! When I am wishing Trey would come back, you know Marisa is on my nerves.

Seth botched his chance to come clean about the weed, which sucked. I really don't know how that will play out. I guess Seth can't go to Brown and keep the show intact, and Summer can easily decide to stay on the west coast if Seth screws it up. I was just really liking Seth and Summer as a stable force in the show. I guess, we'll just have to wait and see how she handles his new hobby.

Nice touch at the end with Dr. Roberts. I think that is good fun. I hope they make a go at it.
As for Sandy and the Newport Group, I was mildly annoyed. I hate it when they pull the, "I know we told you last week that they had the project, but jokes on you, there is another board member to schmooze" plot twist. Annoying. Don't make me feel like they have the hospital job, and then drag it out. Be creative. A minor annoyance, but I needed to vent.

Kirsten has been quiet of late, but still looking lovely as always. Nice to see her calm and happy.
Ok onto this week's question: What is Kaitlin's motivation? Did she want Johnny? Did she want to hurt Marisa? Is she just a drama-junkie? She didn't seem really into Johnny other than a hook up after everything went down. I am just wondering what her angle is/was.

Glad to be back...cya next week,

Paulie

My Sister is Married

2005-05-25T14:51:00.000-07:00

Man that is strange. As I danced with Tess minutes before I knew she was leaving, I could feel that life was different. It's these moments that bring life into sharp perspective. You remember the great times, you deal with regrets. There are moments that I will always treasure, and things I wish I could take back. It's a strange mix of emotions. On one hand I am so totally happy. On the other, I know my little sister is gone. Maybe it shouldn't be sad, but it is on some level. I knew this day would come, but it just came so fast. Even as I write this, I find myself tearing up. I still remember walking her across the street when we were little. Now I watched her run into that car and drive off. I love that girl, and I hope she always knows it. Congrats Ty and Tess. I couldn't have picked a better man. Who better than my best friend to take care of my sis? I wish you all the best.